Random Number Humor
I’ll bet this sort of problem is pretty common.
Entries Tagged "humor"
Page 19 of 24
Dave Barry on Super Bowl Security
Also, if you are planning to go to the Super Bowl game on Sunday, be aware that additional security measures will be in effect, as follows:
- WHEN TO ARRIVE: All persons attending the game MUST arrive at the stadium no later than 7:45 a.m. yesterday. There will be NO EXCEPTIONS. I am talking to you, Prince.
- PERSONAL BELONGINGS: Fans will not be allowed to take anything into the stadium except medically required organs. If you need, for example, both kidneys, you will be required to produce a note from your doctor, as well as your actual doctor.
- TAILGATING: There will be no tailgating. This is to thwart the terrorists, who are believed to have been planning a tailgate-based attack (code name ”Death Hibachi”) involving the detonation of a nuclear bratwurst capable of leveling South Florida, if South Florida was not already so level to begin with.
- TALKING: There will be no talking.
- PERMITTED CHEERS: The National Football League, in conjunction with the Department of Homeland Security, the FBI, the CIA and Vice President Cheney, has approved the following three cheers for use during the game: (1) ”You suck, ref!” (2) ”Come on, (Name of Team)!” (3) “You suck, Prince!”
Back in 2004, I wrote a more serious essay on security at the World Series.
"Family Guy" on Airport Security
Funny clip.
EDITED TO ADD (1/8): Amazingly enough, this was aired before 9/11. I think it makes better satire now.
The Problem with "Hiring Hackers"
The Communications Director for Montana’s Congressman Denny Rehberg solicited “hackers” to break into the computer system at Texas Christian University and change his grades (so they would look better when he eventually ran for office, I presume). The hackers posted the email exchange instead. Very funny:
First, let’s be clear. You are soliciting me to break the law and hack into a computer across state lines. That is a federal offense and multiple felonies. Obviously I can’t trust anyone and everyone that mails such a request, you might be an FBI agent, right?
So, I need three things to make this happen:
1. A picture of a squirrel or pigeon on your campus. One close-up, one with background that shows buildings, a sign, or something to indicate you are standing on the campus.
2. The information I mentioned so I can find the records once I get into the database.
3. Some idea of what I get for all my trouble.
Cryptography Comic
Alice, Bob, and Eve. (I get a mention, too.)
Voting Comic
Foxtrot on e-voting.
Remember to vote, everyone (in the US). If you don’t, there’s no chance your vote will be counted correctly.
A Million Random Digits
The Rand Corporation published A Million Random Digits with 100,000 Normal Deviates back in 1955, when generating random numbers was hard.
The random digits in the book were produced by rerandomization of a basic table generated by an electronic roulette wheel. Briefly, a random frequency pulse source, providing on the average about 100,000 pulses per second, was gated about once per second by a constant frequency pulse. Pulse standardization circuits passed the pulses through a 5-place binary counter. In principle the machine was a 32-place roulette wheel which made, on the average, about 3000 revolutions per trial and produced one number per second. A binary-to-decimal converter was used which converted 20 of the 32 numbers (the other twelve were discarded) and retained only the final digit of two-digit numbers; this final digit was fed into an IBM punch to produce finally a punched card table of random digits.
I have a copy of the original book; it’s one of my library’s prize possessions. I had no idea that the book was reprinted in 2002; it’s available on Amazon. But even if you don’t buy it, go to the Amazon page and read the user reviews. They’re hysterical.
This is what I said in Applied Cryptography:
The meat of the book is the “Table of Random Digits.” It lists them in five-digit groups—”10097 32533 76520 13586 …”—50 on a line and 50 lines on a page. The table goes on for 400 pages and, except for a particularly racy section on page 283 which reads “69696,” makes for a boring read.
Sidebar photo of Bruce Schneier by Joe MacInnis.