Seventh Movie-Plot Threat Contest Winner

On April 1, I announced the Seventh Mostly Annual Movie-Plot Threat Contest:

The NSA has won, but how did it do it? How did it use its ability to conduct ubiquitous surveillance, its massive data centers, and its advanced data analytics capabilities to come out on top? Did it take over the world overtly, or is it just pulling the strings behind everyone’s backs? Did it have to force companies to build surveillance into its products, or could it just piggy-back on market trends? How does it deal with liberal democracies and ruthless totalitarian dictatorships at the same time? Is it blackmailing Congress? How does the money flow? What’s the story?

On May 15, I announced the five semifinalists. The votes are in, and the winner is Doubleplusunlol:

The NSA, GCHQ et al actually don’t have the ability to conduct the mass surveillance that we now believe they do. Edward Snowden was in fact groomed, without his knowledge, to become a whistleblower, and the leaked documents were elaborately falsified by the NSA and GCHQ.

The encryption and security systems that ‘private’ companies are launching in the wake of theses ‘revelations’, however, are in fact being covertly funded by the NSA/GCHQ—the aim being to encourage criminals and terrorists to use these systems, which the security agencies have built massive backdoors into.

The laws that Obama is now about to pass will in fact be the laws that the NSA will abide by—and will entrench mass surveillance as a legitimate government tool before the NSA even has the capability to perform it. That the online populace believes that they are already being watched will become a self-fulfilling prophecy; the people have built their own panopticon, wherein the belief that the Government is omniscient is sufficient for the Government to control them.

“He who is subjected to a field of visibility, and who knows it, assumes responsibility for the constraints of power; he makes them play spontaneously upon himself; he inscribes in himself the power relation in which he simultaneously plays both roles; he becomes the principle of his own subjection.” ­ Michel Foucault, Surveiller et punir, 1975

For the record, Guy Macon was a close runner-up.

Congratulations, Doubleplusunlol. Contact me by e-mail, and I’ll send you your fabulous prizes.

Posted on June 13, 2014 at 6:12 AM11 Comments


Andy June 13, 2014 8:35 AM

Since when does the POTUS pass laws? I thought the Congress passed them and the president signed them into law?

kronos June 13, 2014 9:59 AM

@ Andy “Since when does the POTUS pass laws?”

Only when he has to “bypass Congress” to get things done. Or make numerous changes to the implementation of the Affordable Healthcare Act.

Nobody June 13, 2014 10:12 AM

Just spelling correction, Search engine corrects later line by former line:
Showing results for Surveiller Et Punir, 1975
Search instead for Surveilier Et Punir, 1975 ?

Benni June 13, 2014 10:50 AM

“The NSA is the only governmental agency
That truly listens to its people.”

I think that is not true. There are 206 countries in the world. And german toroughness then means that the german secret service listened to 196 of them in the year 2010, according to a recent lawsuit:

Among them are the US and UK. So the statement should be

“The NSA is the only US governmental agency
That truly listens to its people.”

Its certainly not the only one in the world. BND listens to US people too, and it even exports its spy tools to the NSA because they “outperform NSA sigint capabilities in various aspects”, according to NSA analysts:

jon June 13, 2014 1:31 PM

In recognition of this wonderful achievement, DoublePlusunLOL should receive a thorough Two Minute Hate. Also, double rations of Victory Gin all around.

NobodySpecial June 14, 2014 9:16 PM

Since when does the POTUS pass laws? I thought the Congress passed them and the >president signed them into law?

After the NSA writes them

Dave June 17, 2014 8:34 AM

Doubleplusunlol has his name backwards: it’s really doublepluslol!

Well played, sir/ma’am.

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