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September 10, 2010

The Onion on National Security

"Smart, Qualified People Behind the Scenes Keeping America Safe: 'We Don't Exist'"

Posted on September 10, 2010 at 1:03 PM • 18 Comments

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Comments

I also enojoyed their coverage of the monument to "the fearless amateur research and bold guesswork" of the 9-11 Truthers http://www.theonion.com/articles/... It's been a very long four day week; bring on the squids!

Posted by: mcb at September 10, 2010 1:39 PM

yes we do

Posted by: ahem at September 10, 2010 2:14 PM

Army of none

Posted by: Davi Ottenheimer at September 10, 2010 2:22 PM

I thought The Onion only produced satire. When did they switch to reporting reality?

Posted by: Mark J. at September 10, 2010 4:14 PM

It is occasionally surreal to have both CNN and The Onion on one's Twitter feed. One sometimes has to look again to check the source. And yes, this was the article I cited a few posts back.

Posted by: Andrew at September 10, 2010 4:56 PM

When people ask me about working for the "DoD" near Fort Meade they seem to expect hushed whispers alluding to something out of "The Puzzle Palace". Instead, I explain that the agency is what you'd get if you imagined the most inflated and backward government bureaucracy possible, and then let it grow with virtually no oversight and an unlimited budget for 50 years where no one is allowed to see how crazy it is and even most Congressmen cannot step on the grounds unescorted.

Posted by: Matthew Wollenweber at September 10, 2010 4:57 PM

Regarding MCB's comment about the length of a four day week, a four day week is definitely longer than a five day week. Consider: in a five day week, the half way point is mid-Wednesday. In a week without a Monday, the halfway point is the end of Wednesday. If the half-way point is further away, the entire week must be longer.

Of course, it doesn't work if you're getting a Friday off or using the metric system.

Posted by: Mike F. at September 10, 2010 5:06 PM

"And, despite the widely held belief in some sort of all-knowing superagency that secretly controls all the other intelligence branches from above, attempts by reporters to contact such an agency were unsuccessful, as there is no way this is actually a thing."

This is actually true.

Posted by: Harry at September 10, 2010 7:40 PM

@Mark J. "I thought The Onion only produced satire. When did they switch to reporting reality?"

Over the past few years, the real headlines have been sounding more and more like the Onion. Personally, I think they're not so much satire writers as scarily accurate clairvoyants.

Posted by: yt at September 11, 2010 11:09 AM

That's great thanks for posting it. I liked the one they did about the crow task force.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/...
I always heard one crow brings sorrow too funny.

Posted by: Imperfect Citizen at September 11, 2010 9:46 PM

@ Mark J.

"I thought The Onion only produced satire. When did they switch to reporting reality?"

Late 2001, I think.

Posted by: Nimity at September 11, 2010 11:41 PM

Mr Wollenweber, should you be telling us that? Surely this information is classified?

Posted by: Ambrose at September 12, 2010 5:56 AM

It's a good thing the evil genius terrorist masterminds are equally fictitious.

Posted by: csrster at September 13, 2010 1:36 AM

>Mr Wollenweber, should you be telling us that? Surely this information is classified?

It is classified "Top Stupid" because it would cause "exceptionally grave damage" to any country that tries to copy it.

Posted by: Tangurena at September 13, 2010 11:23 AM

My favorite was always this one:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/...

Posted by: moo at September 13, 2010 11:56 AM

Our school district has decided that the Onion should not be permitted
to be accessed by the school district staff,
undoubtedly as a part of the push that everything that appears in print MUST be true,
and no FALSE words can be permitted.

Maybe in expectation of Prop 19 passing?

To quote the former Prime Minister,
"Oh my paws and whiskers, but they believe a lot of unmitigated nonsense."
From now on only mitigated monosense will be acceptable.

Posted by: Peter E Retep at September 13, 2010 5:29 PM

@ moo

Thanks for the link. That was awesome. It's kind of creepy though: it was like they successfully predicted the future in so many ways. What do you think?

Posted by: Nick P at September 14, 2010 1:27 AM

@ moo

http://www.theonion.com/articles/...

I'd be ROTFLMAO if I weren't fighting the urge to puke in my waste basket.

Thanks, I think.

Posted by: mcb at September 14, 2010 9:45 AM

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