Schneier on Security

I think you will get the attention of TSA and it won't be at the airport (or maybe they will just wait until you come to them).

If the TSA are not paying attention to this blog then they are in an even worse state than they appear to be in.

Bruce, you're my hero. Best contest prizes EVER.

I don't have a logo, but their song is surely (to the music of the Village People song Y.M.C.A.) : "It's safe to fly with the Teeee Ess Ay" (someone will have to work up new hand gestures, I'm sure with a little imagination one could generate a funny YouTube video).

T-shirts!

I can't draw it and so will not win... but...

The logo should consist of the Vitruvian Man image made by Leonardo da Vinci.

http://leonardodavinci.stanford.edu/submissions/...

Below the picture would be the words, "Please hold position while images are taken."

Over the top, the motto will be "Propinquus stabilis ianua vobis" (Closing stable doors for you.)

Picture of plastic bin with a pair of shoes, and a pair of boxer shorts, on a conveyor belt.

Motto: "Preventing Yesterday's Plots, Today"

I think that Cory Doctorow has already beaten us to the punch:

http://shirt.woot.com/Friends.aspx?k=3630

He gets my vote.

Too bad I'm no graphic artist. The motto really should be "You have nothing to fear if you've done nothing wrong", but I can't think of a good, simple logo. Perhaps a head with a gun pointed at it?

Anything with a pair of Schutzstaffel runes in the middle ('TSSA') ...

@Captain Justice: That t-shirt design is a thing of beauty.

The winning logo needs to be printed on socks (and underwear!) and sold.

Picture of a bottle of water above "You can have my bottle when you pry it from my cold, dead hands"

I doubt Cory's t-shirt can be bettered. How about

'Abandon all liquids, all ye who enter here', or

'Totus mundus agit histrionem custodiae' ('all the world's a theatre of security', adapting the Globe Theatre motto. I hope that genitive is right.). I think I'll do a logo for this one.

This is the best contest so far this year!

I would encourage making the saline bottle prize clearer by saying "an empty 12-ounce bottle labeled."

You know, we could always have CafePress (or similar print on demand) print the logo on the thongs they sell that say "Electronic Scans are Overrated. Full Body Pat-Down Desired!" or something similar - http://www.cafepress.com/+womens-thongs

I need to do a little bit of work with a motto and design... I'm not artist, but I may be able to photoshop something together.

Great idea, by the way.

Simple. Douglas Adams "Don't Panic" image with the green sphere sticking out it's tongue.
"The Google" found it here:
http://www.icis.com/blogs/...

Get this to Fark.com and you'll be buried in photoshops.

Why is an association with the noble eagle necessary? A headless chicken, limbs flailing uselessly, would clearly be more appropriate.

It's a shame that we've few graphical designers amongst us. It's time to spread this out on the usual diggreddit sites. =)

I went to an image search engine and search for "wet paper bag". I did not make this image but it seems perfect for me:
http://static.guim.co.uk/Guardian/football/...

I'm thinking something like Smokey the Bear. A picture of a bunch of passengers jumping a terrorist with the logo, "Remember, only you can prevent terrorism."

Picture of the Warner Brothers abominable snowman guaring the security gate exit as a be-turbaned, dunamite vest wearing terrorist goes in through the out door ... "Duh, which way did he go, George? Which way did he go?"

http://www.oxideradio.co.uk/shows/...

I think the Car Talk guys have the classic one already for you:

http://www.shamelesscommerce.com/...

LEDs need to be featured prominently.

How about an image of an ostrich with its head in a suitcase? Many fine slogans to accompany the logo have already been suggested.

@ Jim: I like "Unencumbered by the Thought Process."

Add in Latin as play on their show name:
Conloquium cautela, non acta
"Security talk, no action"

Clearly the printing on the socks/underwear/T-shorts needs to be done in a metal based ink so that it can be read when you are being scanned.

TSA= Thousands Standing Around

Angry redheads have had the answer all along. Applicable to both foreign and domestic policy, too!

http://www.zazzle.com/...

How about an ostrich with its head up its own a$$.

TSA: Transporting Shoeless Americans.

TSA: Temporarily Shoeless Authorization

Theatrical Security Annoyances

I think ostriches, lemmings and beheaded chickens need to figure prominently in the logo.

I think their motto should be something short and to the point, like:

TSA -- legal molestation

TSA -- Grabbed more balls than Jordan

TSA -- Keep your knives, we're here for the pancake syrup

This is so easy, I'll even donate the prizes to charity. Just make the logo a gigantic goatse.

Are we allowed to submit multiple entries, or just one logo per person?

Patrick got the order wrong on the words. Instead of:

Tedium, Weakness, Farce

it needs a better acronym:

Weakness, Tedium, Farce

Motto: Tedium, Stupidity, & Arrogance

Terror, Slowdowns, & Aggravation

TSA: Tray Stacking Authority

i suggest a person being body-cavity-searched while holding the knife in its teeth

mission statement could be: constantly searching at the wrong end

Tenaciously Scanning Asses

I'll be the first to submit, though if need be I'll follow additional image upload instructions later. Here's my take: http://www.flickr.com/photos/11068720@N00/...

Thieving & Stealing Agency

My first thought is too simple. The logo could simply be a standard red circle and slash over the word "Everything".

The slogan is one a friend quoted to me: I don't know the origin: "TSA Won't Be Happy Until You Fly Naked And In Chains".

Typically Suspecting Americans
Train Sounds Awesome
Trashed Someone's Aloe
Targeting Second Anomalies
Tracking Saudi Anarchists

Somebody get Zefrank on the blower…

http://www.zefrank.com/redalert/index_better.html

Theatro Securitas Absurdum

Perhaps with a pig in the logo to go with the latin.

I suggest as a motto: Propinquus Stabilis Ianua, Equus est Absentis (close the barn door, the horse is gone).

It has to have a transformer on it:

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/...

I like Bruce's motto suggestion: "Misapplying tomorrow's technologies to counter yesterday's threats."

To illustrate, maybe one of those Star Trek scanners, with the words "scanning for muskets" on the screen.

I think I've seen this elsewhere but don't remember for sure:

Terror Support Agency

WE ARE 4 U !!!!
Unneeded, unpleasant, unrepentant, and unconstitutional.

(As a logo, Bill the Cat: http://www.amoeba.com/dynamic-images/blog/...

Equal representation for French mottos:

Occupé à manger des beignets

This is clearly the correct logo :)

http://www.cafepress.com.au/...

Theatre of Security Actors

Seen somewhere:
TSA: We're not happy until you're not happy.

TSA - Closing the barn door since 2001

Just FYI, the "circular eagle-and-flag motif" used in association with the TSA logo is the U.S. Department of Homeland Security seal. It is used in almost all of DHS's child agencies' logos (e.g., FEMA, TSA, CBP, USCIS, ICE, etc.). Two DHS agencies do have a "custom" logo—the Coast Guard and the Secret Service.

Nitpicking, I know. I fully support the development of a custom branding for every travelers' favorite agency.

Very tempting to design a goatse/goaTSA theme.

What about: "Your Priority is Our Safety".

Hmm,

If it has to be the usual US bird of pray and not the "wild turkey".

How about it dropping like a stone with a surprised look on it's face and wings "blown upwards" by the wind rush.

Around it's legs on of those 1700's devices invented to make cleaning soot out of chimnies easy.

If you have not seen one it consists of two small cannon balls with a scisor like contraption to hold a "wild turkey's" legs. The idea was simple you put it on a live turkey and drop it down your chimney, the turkey flaps maddly on the way down knocking the soot down for you.

On one ball have TSA on the other "Patriot Act" as a motto

TSA Bringing you down since...

Or for a T-Shirt

TSA - For that Personal touch whilst traveling

And of course since Capt Underpats, and the realisation body scaners won't work,

"Touching Scrotums Authoritivly"

Let Veronica Mosier be your inspiration. What happens to her is what TSA does to the average air traveler.

TSA: Totally Search Anything
TSA: Totally Say Anything

TSA, when I first heard that name, I thought, wannabe NSA for Thug Security Apparatchick

Anyway, while ripping on the TSA is good fun, and maybe even trendy, they are just a reflection of our pathetic society.

Scapegoat the TSA, after all the fundamental failures of the USA? Government, Legal systam, Business Protection, Politics, Military, Revolving door, education, and lets not forget, FINANCIAL system.

I'd say give the TSA a break, and relax some rules and let the guys loosen up, so that when things happen, they do not add to the problems.

This is an awesome contest, I wish I had some skill to participate in (I'd love a copy of any of your books).

I've actually started my own series of articles over at my blog (http://blog.joseph-a-nagy-jr.us) over personal security and the Internet. Perhaps you could take a look at them?

Say No to Spec Work!

How about Larry, Curly and Moe in TSA uniforms?

To borrow from a British term:

Jobsworths Unlimited

With a cartoon jet plane madly flapping its wings, descending with a pair of iron balls chained to its landing gear.

A stylized red white and blue goatse.

I have no logo to offer. Drawing is a bit beyond me. But how about some snappy phrases: "Doing poorly a job that needn't be done at all." Or "Just as every creature has it's hindpart, so does government." Or, "Gainfully employing the otherwise unemployable." or "Have it our way." or "Shut up, hands against wall." I'll think of others.

TSA - We went with the white shirts because they were cheaper than brown.

Whatever rendition is chosen had better be extraordinary! :)

TSA: Our Budget Is Our Priority

TSA: Taking Sucka's Assets ~TSA Gangstaz
http://www.schneier.com/blog/archives/2008/03/...
Ahh the memories, I had to watch that again. Ahhh gangsta rap... is there anything you can't make better?
-rich

"No shirt, no shoes - have a nice flight."

I wanted to make mine as childish as possible...

http://www.filefactory.com/file/a17516d/n/...

I'm thinking something with an Albatross in place of the Eagle...

Here's my theatrical entry. A bit hodge podge, but I think the idea is clear.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/11863773@N05/...

"No lights, no cameras, no action, no fly list, no shoes, no liquid containers larger than 100ml, no ..."

A good motto....

INCOMPETENCE OUR SHIELD,
INACTION OUR SWORD

Not original with me, but good.

How about an image from the master:

"If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - forever."

L
:O

Or maybe use the two faces of drama to highlight the security theater aspect.

:( :)

Theatre Security Actors

Here's my first go (I have another, should get that done this weekend). Decided not to go down the 'great seal' route.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/bazzargh/4255874962

(this is a png of the svg; if someone wants the svg just comment on flickr. CC licensed.)

If anybody wants some raw material to play with, here's a version of the TSA logo without the eagle: http://russnelson.com/temp/tsa-noeagle.png

Maybe the stripes should become bars, with Lady Liberty peering out through them?

Here's my entry: http://russnelson.com/temp/tsa-bozo.png

My second entry, a bit more colourful:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/bazzargh/4255423613/

sleep is overrated. As before, holler if you want svg.

The true expansion for TSA is surely "Terror Successfully Achieved".

Has any organization done more to terrorize the public than the TSA?

Quick and dirty photoshop work:
http://kurushio.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/...
Vector graphics will follow, if I find the time.

How about "Terrorist Screening [Runs] Amok"?
http://insipidnot.com/sharing/TSA-fun2.jpg

The prizes are too good to ignore, so here's my entry. I've tried to capture the "essence" of the TSA, I hope you like it. I think I may print some t-shirts.

It would help if I'd included the link, huh :-)

http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/...

To borrow from Obama's "yes we can" how about:

TSA: No you can't!

http://img704.imageshack.us/img704/6623/...

It wouldn't kill me to double check the spelling... sorry. Corrected.

http://img43.imageshack.us/img43/6623/...

Logo entry:
http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/...

After the way they turned a failed terrorist attack into a success, I think of them as the Terrorist Support Agency, myself:

http://taihendaro.blogspot.com/2010/01/...

Flanagan's logo (bird flipping the bird is brilliant) + actual name of the agency + Motto (sable scroll, bottom) "Tomorrow's Technology. Yesterday's Threats." = winner, IMO. Bonus points for motto in Latin.

TSA logo entry: http://www.flickr.com/photos/39610448@N04/...

TSA logo entry: http://bit.ly/51QWi0

TSA logo entry: http://brizzly.com/pic/W0O

I will be printing that 'Dept. of Security Theater' logo on stationary I will use for every boarding pass I ever print in the future.

Here's my take on the whole thing:

http://www.amything.net/site/2010/01/11/...

Up! Date!

Up! Date!

Up! Date!

/chant

I'll give this idea out ther free for someone to draw it:

The Coat of arms of israel-a light blue menorah. You can use colors you deem appropriate:On the center upright of the Menorah, put the head of the American Bald Eagle turned towards the left- the other candleholders are spread in the shape of feathers. And the upright olive leaves are more spread out like a semi circle underneath.

The words arching overhead read:

Transportation Securitiy Administration

and underneath in smaller letters:

"Subdivision of Israel Defense Forces"

I think that every person should stop on their way to the airport at their local sex shop. Buy the biggest phallus you can. Stuff it in your pants (girls, you do it too).

Wait until you go through the lineup. If they pat you down, when they get hold of it say loudly: "You can take your hand off my penis now." Or, after the pat down loudly announce that the person deserves a dollar for that handjob.

If pulled aside for imaging screening, make sure that you wait patiently until they notice the object in your pants. When the mention it, loudly say, "Scuse me while I whip this out." And remove the phallus.

If we could get a movement like this going, the TSA guys wouldn't be able to hire folk fast enough to deal with the PTSD turnover.

Just changed the colors. Nobody will ever notice.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/46429050@N05/...

Not a contender and not my original idea, but at a recent conference a well-known NZ security researcher was seen wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with:

Theatrical
Security
Association

My humble entry:

http://img24.imageshack.us/img24/8299/...

I have an entry for the contest:

http://img36.imageshack.us/i/...

"Integrity, Team Spirit, Innovation" is/was? sewn around the border of the newest TSA (T-errorists S-talking A-irports) patch. Have you EVER seen an organization that had to SEW A REMINDER not to STEAL, LIE, and CHEAT on their own shoulders!!!! They STEAL from the "confiscated" items, BACK-STAB the PASSENGERS (and their CO-Workers) and "INNOVATIVELY" CHEAT on their own tests.
Supervisors PADDING their hours to make house payments.
Supervisors staggering in drunk.
Supervisors exclaiming all NON-Christians should leave the country
Supervisors expressing their desire to see U.S. Senators DEAD
Real good organization.

These are great. I don't have a visual entry, but I'd like to contribute the song at my URL as a possible TSA theme song or anthem.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYSA0tYhRlY

Picture this:
Elmer Fudd with a finger to his mouth saying "Be vewy, vewy qwuiet, I'm hunting terrorists", encircled by the standard TSA/Homeland Security text.

One more.

http://img403.yfrog.com/img403/8643/tsa2.jpg

Dedicated to the brouhaha around full body scanners:

http://www.pessimists.net/TSA_Schneier.gif

My submission. Located at Exit 42 off Interstate 95. http://www.flickr.com/photos/46525224@N04/...

This image of a man in the ski mask holding a mask really should be on the TSAs logo.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/10/opinion/...

pulled from another Schneier thread:

http://www.schneier.com/blog/archives/2010/01/...

I enjoyed reading this page this morning! Thank you Bruce and all.

A suggestion for a slogan:

"We fly, you stay!"

Funny, looks like Patrick Smith jacked the idea from this pilot forum 2 days before he posted it to his salon blog:

http://www.airlinepilotforums.com/major/...

TSA: Totally Screwing America
TSA: Totally Screwing Aviation

I put together a similar site a few years ago for the Department of Homeland Security: http://www.logo-contest.com/

What a great idea for a contest! And some of the entries already are pretty sharp...

...which means, of course, that the TSA will steal them too, the next time they're found at an airport or border crossing...

Thousands Standing Around (not original to me) has always been my favorite breakout for the TSA TLA. :)

http://www.schneier.com/images/logocontest/... is a 404

Am I the only one who feels this is too much TSA-bashing?
It seems to be Bruce Schneier is risking losing some credibility by launching this contest.

Janet Incompetano has ruled all of you to be Right Wing Extremists! You are being watched and targeted.

At least one person has referred to the Douglas Adams description of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, its logo (A planet wiggling fingers in ears, and stick out its tongue), and the accompanying legend "Don't Panic."

I would like to suggest that, though unfortunately punctuated, this is perhaps the ideal legend. I'll leave the latinization to those better educated, but I will suggest a correctly punctuated version of the text:

"Don't. Panic."

http://docs.google.com/View?...

I wish I were a word-art guru

The TSA brutalised me at the WA truck-crossing border for over 2.5 hours. Probably there was training going on, for the expected surge of visitors to the Olympics, but that's no excuse.

I was waved over. Then the car keys were demanded. I was marched inside, where I had to stand up for over two hours. I was not allowed to leave, visit the bathroom, etc.--basically false imprisonment. Then the entrapment phase: demanding I sign a declaration that I wasn't carrying anything. I said, "There might be something in the car, as I didn't have a chance to check...." Then a TSA doll walks in with a tiny Mandarin Orange box, about 6 x 5 x 5". I'd totally forgotten about it. It contained maybe four or five minuscule mandarins. The TSA guy leaned close. "These are from CHINA!" he snarled.

OK, OK, I must be a terrorist!

He went through every scrap of material in my wallet, saying, "This will help you; this won't help you," as if my execution was slated for the next hour.

When he and he cronies retreated to their computers and private corners, doing who knows what, I began to cry. I'd been robbed the day before and wasn't feeling too strong. I cried for 45 minutes straight.

They came back, wanting me to pay a $300 fine. I told them I don't have $300. They said, "You have credit cards." I told them the credit cards don't work, but if I give them permission to try them, it's an admission of guilt. I won't do it.

They can see my next words are, "I want to call a lawyer." I'm thinking of how it's three hours earlier in HI and I can call my lawyer friend there--as if that will do much good. I'm still crying. All I want to do is drive down to Bellingham, pick up my books, and come back to Canada. Right away.

They don't know what to do with this soppy old female. They give me a notice: I'm being fined up to $20K. I kid you not. No address, no process for protest or dispute on the page. They want me to sign. I won't.

They ask for a statement. I give them one, making clear the false-imprisonment and entrapment facts. They let me go, with the stupid page of accusations. Apparently there will be a hearing, date and place and terms unknown, and I may be fined into bankruptcy. I have no idea what to do with it, but I get into the car. I feel raped. My car doesn't quite feel like mine. I wonder what they've done to it.

I spend all of 47 minutes in the US, crying the whole time. I'm still crying when I get back to the Canada Customs. If they give me a hard time, I'll probably commit suicide or kill somebody.But all they do is have me pay the GST on the books I came to pick up.

For days I feel dirty, besmirched, diminished. Although I lived there for many years, I want nothing more than never again to have to go through the effing US of A.

retrying -- previous message vanished

http://docs.google.com/Doc?...

I drew this the second I read the Ask the Pilot article!

http://www.travismchale.com/design/TSA.html

Nice one, Travis -- though I would argue putting a pair of toenail clippers in the eagle's right talon would be funnier.

My submission. :>

https://dl.dropbox.com/u/738722/drawing.png

This one is incredible by the poster above: https://dl.dropbox.com/u/738722/drawing.png

I applaud the subtle clever inclusions. Brilliant.

Final hour submission...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/25911255@N06/...

Great contest. Not much time for artistry, but I summarized my thoughts with a couple of text only pictures --- ( how do I submit these ? ... not for the contest, too late for that, --- just to vent ?
( brief description :
one has be safe, fly naked. opportunities for fondlers, underwear thieves, crotch sniffers with a faint TSA all over it.
The other says "Task force to Screw Air travelers - bomb sniffing dogs, crotch sniffing agents, if you like the smell of biowaste, we have "openings" " )

I fly all the time and can't wait to have some fun with this. So awesome!!!

These logos need a short phrase, Who knows a good latin translation for

"Perception is Reality"

?!!!

Another brainiac idea: How about using the two masks typically associated with theatre, except that instead of the crying and laughing masks we have crying and *angry* masks.

@ Frank,

"except that instead of the crying and laughing masks we have crying and *angry* masks."

Nagh what you want is that pained "internal examination by black rubber glove" expression with overtones of outrage, as your wallet is also extracted and empted at the same time by the glove wielding TSA person with size 14 hands...

And for those of a more delicate disposition please do not hold that thought...

So when do we find out who won?

Er, never mind, I found the other post.

Actually I agree with Frank's comment there.
But the prizes are absolutely fab though.
Gina