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Schneier on SecurityA blog covering security and security technology. « Friday Squid Blogging: Giant Squid in The Onion | Main | Framing Computers Under the DMCA » June 7, 2008Schneier Motivational PosterI'm tickled by the idea of a motivational poster with my picture on it, but want a more interesting/amusing/clever/inspirational caption. Ideas? Posted on June 7, 2008 at 10:24 AM • 147 Comments • View Blog Reactions To receive these entries once a month by e-mail, sign up for the Crypto-Gram Newsletter. Security. Not just for movie theaters. There has to be more that are better than that. Posted by: WS at June 7, 2008 10:48 AM Secure, Refresh, Upgrade - In Your Life, Your Business, or In Your PC! Posted by: Ceegee2 at June 7, 2008 10:55 AM I've always been a bit fond of this one: "Destruct Priority 1" means never having to say you're sorry. Posted by: Trichinosis USA at June 7, 2008 11:11 AM "Security. vpuiz mpzsm aumzt uulph ouupv mzmpz smaum ztuuz jhtum udhaw muwjy Posted by: mmarsh at June 7, 2008 11:15 AM Drink Your Water Now You can't take it on the plane Posted by: Larry Hosken at June 7, 2008 11:29 AM All your keys are belong to us. or I could tell you, but then I'd have to bill you. Posted by: Greg Wilson at June 7, 2008 11:35 AM Mothers, don't let your sons grow up to be security consultants ... Posted by: Thrill at June 7, 2008 11:37 AM Random numbers are too important to leave to chance. Posted by: Fred Garvin at June 7, 2008 12:16 PM Well, surely you know about this: Posted by: Me at June 7, 2008 12:18 PM I thought the original caption was hilarious. Hopefully you got the LOLCAT reference: http://icanhascheezburger.com/2008/03/11/funny-pictures-flying-ur-doin-it-wrong/ Posted by: Anonymous Too at June 7, 2008 12:39 PM http://wigflip.com/automotivator/ makes it pretty easy to DIY. Posted by: Zach Beane at June 7, 2008 12:43 PM @Me: That's where I got my caption from, though it's not the one you linked to. I'm sort of disappointed that there are no decryptions posted yet. Posted by: mmarsh at June 7, 2008 12:56 PM Security
Posted by: Ronnie at June 7, 2008 1:07 PM Security Security. Posted by: Albatross at June 7, 2008 1:40 PM SECURITY... Good Security... Your Encryption Algorithm Skepticism Skepticism Ask Smart Questions Protecting Your Secrets Security Posted by: aikimark at June 7, 2008 2:29 PM Here's my abuse of this notion. http://flickr.com/photos/62563393@N00/2559305574/ This is in response to a real assertion I keep hearing from people. Posted by: clvrmnky at June 7, 2008 2:33 PM To continue with the lamz0r interwebs references: EPIC FAIL. Posted by: clvrmnky at June 7, 2008 2:40 PM The Encryption Club for Men Bruce's Advice Secret Keys Secret Encryption Algorithms Posted by: aikimark at June 7, 2008 2:41 PM Snake Oil Good Security Security Posted by: aikimark at June 7, 2008 2:52 PM Looks more like a demotivational poster. :) Here's one slogan - I'm secure, are you? Posted by: John Moore at June 7, 2008 3:41 PM Information Security. Posted by: Serious Poo at June 7, 2008 3:57 PM > Security. I second that. Posted by: Bernie at June 7, 2008 4:39 PM Albatross' second suggestion is the only one that made me laugh out loud. Add my vote for that one! :-) If you do not know who Inigo Montoya is, run (don't walk!) to your local video store and hire out "The Princess Bride". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inigo_Montoya Posted by: Paul at June 7, 2008 4:43 PM P.S. I think the photo from your front page would do better as the photo on the poster (in landscape instead of portrait). Posted by: Paul at June 7, 2008 4:47 PM @Eliot
HAZARD. TRADE OFF. SECURITY. POKERFACE. AES. Posted by: at at June 7, 2008 4:59 PM Bruce Schneier doesn't like bad security. Posted by: Unix Ronin at June 7, 2008 5:04 PM >Drink Your Water Now Nice one! (But that should be "Security".) My suggestion: Security Posted by: Garry at June 7, 2008 5:05 PM I think the caption should be ... w e c g
Posted by: wawatson at June 7, 2008 5:14 PM Another one for Bruce fans (plus two other stories of the Singularity): Bruce Schneier and the King of the Crabs: Posted by: Andrew J at June 7, 2008 5:20 PM Security: Get Some! Security: Prefer buying from an expert to finding out you aren't. Posted by: supersaurus at June 7, 2008 5:41 PM Security. Security. Security. Secure? Posted by: tom at June 7, 2008 7:12 PM Sorry, Bruce, I know that appearance-based remarks aren't big or clever, but I propose: "Head or chin? Security is a trade-off". Or for a de-motivational poster: "Schneier thinks this stuff is hard: you've got no chance" Posted by: SteveJ at June 7, 2008 7:20 PM SECURITY Click here if you have forgotten your password. Forgot your password? This man can help. "Password helpdesk...this is Bruce...can I help you?" MODEL BRUCE Even the TSA can't find the porn on Bruce's laptop. Bruce Schneier created the first Honey Pot; we now call it the Internet. Heard of it?
Posted by: Scot at June 7, 2008 7:43 PM I support the "epic beard" suggestion. *g* For a more serious one I would take the "now accepting movie plots" poster. It's message and can easily start a conversation about real security. Albatross' suggestion is great but too long. Maybe it can be shortened to something like this: - Security - - Security -
a) Compilers don't warn Bruce Schneier. ( http://geekz.co.uk/schneierfacts/fact/187 ) b) - Bruce Schneier - c) - Bruce Schneier - d) - Kryptography - e) - Algorithms -
Posted by: datenritter at June 7, 2008 8:29 PM The original caption isn't bad, but formatting it as an inspirational poster doesn't work. It should be formatted as an LOLTHEORISTS posting and should use proper LOLspeak. I like the Princess Bride quote. If you try to go with the Demotivational motif, maybe something like: SECRETS Posted by: Random Guy at June 7, 2008 10:15 PM SECURITY I find your faith in your own system... disturbing. Goes with the B&W meancing pose, doesn't it? That's a motivational poster I would actually pay for. Posted by: Nick at June 7, 2008 10:37 PM All the encryption in the world won't help if you give out your password for a chocolate bar Posted by: Chris L at June 8, 2008 12:19 AM WOULD YOU TRUST THIS MAN WITH YOUR DATA? Posted by: Richard Braakman at June 8, 2008 2:38 AM cheesy, but is what comes to mind. SECURITY Posted by: nico at June 8, 2008 3:41 AM SECURITY Posted by: The Imp at June 8, 2008 4:14 AM Even though the original caption was hilarious indeed, this one is at least as good: Security For a demotivational poster I would prefer Your Encryption Algorithm Posted by: Kaukomieli at June 8, 2008 4:56 AM "When you feel secure: you're not" (Yes, not too grand, nut it's early and I haven't had enough coffee, but my contributions will make the others' look better) Posted by: Jerry at June 8, 2008 5:08 AM I guess you've all seen this website, campaigning against the ID cards in the UK: Posted by: nerdboy at June 8, 2008 6:41 AM @Zach Beane thanks for the automotivator link! Here is that link and the color Schneier photo that started it all: http://wigflip.com/automotivator/
Posted by: peri at June 8, 2008 6:53 AM @Kaukomieli, Glad you liked it. ================= What do YOU think of these suggestions? Amused enough to smile? Posted by: aikimark at June 8, 2008 9:59 AM I want Schlock's Rule #30. = SCHNEIER Posted by: Chris S at June 8, 2008 10:23 AM This seems to be a new Internet meme. I saw a great one the other day with a picture of John McCarthy: "PROGRAMMING: You're Doing It Completely Wrong." Posted by: Justin Megawarne at June 8, 2008 12:07 PM Security Expending all of your resources and making people do rediculous things to thwart a threat that is less likely than being struck down by an meteorite. Posted by: Anonymous at June 8, 2008 12:29 PM @albatross Posted by: james at June 8, 2008 12:38 PM All Your Liberty Are Belong to Us Liberty and Security Missing Your Liberties? Privacy Privacy Posted by: aikimark at June 8, 2008 1:31 PM "You keep using that word" is good, but a reference some people are likely to miss. How about: "What have you broken lately?" (http://www.schneier.com/blog/archives/2008/05/the_ethics_of_v.html) Posted by: Rich Wilson at June 8, 2008 2:20 PM Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you. Posted by: Greg Ellis at June 8, 2008 3:29 PM SECURITY Of course, I'd use the picture you have on your website. Posted by: aixwiz at June 8, 2008 7:08 PM Here's another (obscure) reference: SECURITY No one listens to Zathras... Posted by: John Campbell at June 8, 2008 7:52 PM Security Don't leave it to the professionals. (Thinking DHS ...) Posted by: Michael R at June 8, 2008 9:19 PM BTW When I forget web address, I just google for "bruce security". Posted by: c8 at June 9, 2008 12:12 AM I've got to admit a liking for "if you can do your job, we're not doing ours", even it it's a bit unfair on Bruce. How about "Bruce Schneier: Together We Can Win The War On The War On T-Shirts" (on a t-shirt). Posted by: csrster at June 9, 2008 2:37 AM "We'll let you know. It's the expression on his face ... Posted by: Rich at June 9, 2008 4:02 AM There is no security by obscurity. Posted by: Abcman at June 9, 2008 4:41 AM "Dining Crytopgraphers" only available as one of a set of five matching B&W prints. The other four prints: Ross Anderson, Whit Diffie, William F. Friedman and Esdgar W. Dijkstra. Posted by: Zygmunt L at June 9, 2008 5:01 AM Anoter set: Alice, how many times do I have to tell you that "Bob" is not a good password? Bob, how many times do I have to tell you that "Alice" is not a good password? No Eve, there is no Clipper chip in my phone. Posted by: Zygmunt L at June 9, 2008 5:23 AM @ SteveJ, "Head or chin? Security is a trade-off" Have you seen the "Moustache of Terror" on Halfbakery? http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/Moustache_20of_20Terror#1137849682 One of the posters calls themselves, "2 fries shy of a happy meal" WHich you could of course put under any photograph you care to think of 8) Posted by: Clive Robinson at June 9, 2008 7:16 AM haiku poster text anyone? Security failed To keep secrets safe Posted by: Anonymous at June 9, 2008 7:21 AM Do YOU Know Where Your Vulnerabilities Are? Have You Ranked Your Risks Today? Posted by: yonodeler at June 9, 2008 7:53 AM Security. Knowing that, compared to Whit, my beard is fuller, my hair forms a better pony tail, and I don't feel like I have to wear a stinkin' tie! Posted by: Anonymous at June 9, 2008 9:10 AM I think Bruce should be offended by the original. By common use of the phrase "You're doing it wrong", it's saying that Bruce Schneier is the wrong way to do security. Posted by: Anonymous at June 9, 2008 9:34 AM Should have used the existing caption, but this picture: Posted by: derf at June 9, 2008 9:54 AM "Everything I don't know about security, I learned from this man." Posted by: Chris at June 9, 2008 10:17 AM Looking at Bruce's expression on the poster, I would go with something like this: -The mind has no firewall-
Posted by: JPT at June 9, 2008 10:18 AM Security: Call for a free screening 1-800-AIRPORT Security advice #23: Don't grow a beard before flying. Security: How scared should we be? Posted by: n0rb at June 9, 2008 12:48 PM For this poster: Security Flexible Then a second poster with, say, a prominent VP with the following caption: Paranoia Dogmatic Posted by: Fraud Guy at June 9, 2008 1:02 PM Security: You're really not secure until he says your secure! Posted by: Jim F at June 9, 2008 1:13 PM DHS Paranoia Bruce Schneier Posted by: aikimark at June 9, 2008 1:15 PM "And you thought Eve was a friend." btw, the design of the poster appears to be taken from and/or similar to those found at despair.com http://despair.com/viewall.html Some of the best I've seen. Posted by: Pas B at June 9, 2008 1:18 PM Excellent. I like it as it is. I'll pack this neatly on top of my clothes when I travel now. When the border guards open my bag... Maybe this would work too? "It is not the technology, stupid" Or "I am positive that things will be secure. Not for you of course, but for someone." Posted by: Davi Ottenheimer at June 9, 2008 1:52 PM Ah, here's another: "Feeling secure? Maybe you shouldn't." Or "Theater is no substitute" Posted by: Davi Ottenheimer at June 9, 2008 1:54 PM Updated: Just call me a layout-geek... :-) Posted by: Albatross at June 9, 2008 2:59 PM What about a "Calvin" motif instead? richrumble on blogspot Posted by: RichRumble at June 9, 2008 3:57 PM Security: Posted by: Jason Roth at June 9, 2008 5:45 PM Pseudo Random Numbers The image of my beard will NOT provide them for you. Get your own entropy. Posted by: Anonymous at June 9, 2008 8:41 PM It's Ten O'Clock somewhere in the world--Do YOU know where your data is? Seriously, get a better picture of Schneier for that poster-child event, that picture is not the best for engendering the respect and trust he deserves from the public. Posted by: Tamara at June 9, 2008 9:44 PM a) I used the first decent picture I found "Bruce Schneier is suspicious of your algorithm" works better. Posted by: Satya at June 10, 2008 3:46 PM I like the slogan "Jeff" left in the comments: SECURITY: Posted by: LabThug at June 10, 2008 3:48 PM Actually I love the quote. Ever see "Mr. Mom" staring Michael Keaton? One of the kids says "You're doing it wrong" while the dad is doing laundry I think. Posted by: David at June 10, 2008 6:39 PM SECURITY: Moses brings God's word on security down from the mountain, encrypted with SHA-E20:1/17 (Sinai Hebrew Algorithm, Exodus 20:1-17) Posted by: Steve at June 11, 2008 12:55 AM Subtext for "SECURITY": Are you paranoid *enough*? Did you *think* about it? Don't make me come down there. Nothing to see - move along. ' OR 1=1;-- (I'm sure others can come up with a *clever* one for that last...)
Posted by: Simon Bridge at June 11, 2008 5:21 AM SECURITY Posted by: Marcus at June 19, 2008 7:30 AM Post a comment
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