WS June 7, 2008 10:48 AM


Not just for movie theaters.

There has to be more that are better than that.

Trichinosis USA June 7, 2008 11:11 AM

I’ve always been a bit fond of this one:

“Destruct Priority 1” means never having to say you’re sorry.

mmarsh June 7, 2008 11:15 AM


vpuiz mpzsm aumzt uulph ouupv mzmpz smaum ztuuz jhtum udhaw muwjy
mfmha umuty mzfwz tuuzp mvomi tfsfy rijms fxmty olphg upxum nmyvk
ijfwt syphu mjmhp mu”

mmarsh June 7, 2008 12:56 PM

@Me: That’s where I got my caption from, though it’s not the one you linked to.

I’m sort of disappointed that there are no decryptions posted yet.

Ronnie June 7, 2008 1:07 PM

Do you know where your identity is?

Not just for the paranoid anymore!

Albatross June 7, 2008 1:40 PM

It doesn’t require hair.

You keep using that word.
I do not think it means what you think it means.

aikimark June 7, 2008 2:29 PM

Means your secrets are safe from this guy

Good Security…
Will make this guy smile

Your Encryption Algorithm
Means little to guys like this

The only healthy approach to security

The only realistic approach to encryption

Ask Smart Questions
Unless you want this response

Protecting Your Secrets
You’ve been instructed and warned by the best


aikimark June 7, 2008 2:41 PM

The Encryption Club for Men
I’m not only a customer, I started it

Bruce’s Advice
Walk Softly and Carry a Big Key

Secret Keys
More Important than Secret Algorithms

Secret Encryption Algorithms
Obscurity is NOT Security!!!

aikimark June 7, 2008 2:52 PM

Snake Oil
def. Proprietary Encryption Algorithms

Good Security

B.S. not BS

John Moore June 7, 2008 3:41 PM

Looks more like a demotivational poster. 🙂 Here’s one slogan – I’m secure, are you?

Bernie June 7, 2008 4:39 PM

You keep using that word.
I do not think it means what you think it means.
Posted by: Albatross at June 7, 2008 01:40 PM

I second that.

Paul June 7, 2008 4:47 PM

P.S. I think the photo from your front page would do better as the photo on the poster (in landscape instead of portrait).

at June 7, 2008 4:59 PM

Great! 😀

Damn, I am hungry. Two fish!

Diffie ate garlic!

I will coke!

Damn smoker! I must to parp!

Dont ask ME, lamer.

Its for you, lamer.

Garry June 7, 2008 5:05 PM

Drink Your Water Now
You can’t take it on the plane

Nice one! (But that should be “Security”.)

My suggestion:

It’s about Goals; not tactics.

wawatson June 7, 2008 5:14 PM

I think the caption should be …

w e c g
e w h y
a a i o
e t n u

… especially for publication here in the UK …

supersaurus June 7, 2008 5:41 PM

Security: Get Some!

Security: Prefer buying from an expert to finding out you aren’t.

tom June 7, 2008 7:12 PM

It’s a trade off.

What’s it worth to you?

Not just for professionals anymore.

If you think you are, you aren’t.

SteveJ June 7, 2008 7:20 PM

Sorry, Bruce, I know that appearance-based remarks aren’t big or clever, but I propose:

“Head or chin? Security is a trade-off”.

Or for a de-motivational poster:

“Schneier thinks this stuff is hard: you’ve got no chance”

Scot June 7, 2008 7:43 PM

If Bruce Schneier ruled the world, it would be a cypher place.

Click here if you have forgotten your password.

Forgot your password? This man can help.

“Password helpdesk…this is Bruce…can I help you?”

Threat Model

Now accepting movie plots.

Even the TSA can’t find the porn on Bruce’s laptop.

Bruce Schneier created the first Honey Pot; we now call it the Internet. Heard of it?

datenritter June 7, 2008 8:29 PM

I support the “epic beard” suggestion. g

For a more serious one I would take the “now accepting movie plots” poster. It’s message and can easily start a conversation about real security.

Albatross’ suggestion is great but too long. Maybe it can be shortened to something like this:

  • Security –
    It’s not what you believe it is.
  • Security –
    It’s not what YOU are talking about.

My suggestions:

a) Compilers don’t warn Bruce Schneier.
Bruce Schneier warns Compilers.

( )

b) – Bruce Schneier –
Won the staring contest against Chuck Norris and Mr.T.

c) – Bruce Schneier –
Says there’s a hair in your soup.

d) – Kryptography –
It’s tedious.

e) – Algorithms –
Which part of ‘random’ did you not understand?

I hope there will be prints available!

Random Guy June 7, 2008 10:15 PM

The original caption isn’t bad, but formatting it as an inspirational poster doesn’t work. It should be formatted as an LOLTHEORISTS posting and should use proper LOLspeak.

I like the Princess Bride quote. If you try to go with the Demotivational motif, maybe something like:

It’s hard to keep them.
But just look at your co-workers.
Could they possibly have any good ones anyway?

Nick June 7, 2008 10:37 PM


I find your faith in your own system… disturbing.

Goes with the B&W meancing pose, doesn’t it? That’s a motivational poster I would actually pay for.

Chris L June 8, 2008 12:19 AM

All the encryption in the world won’t help if you give out your password for a chocolate bar

Richard Braakman June 8, 2008 2:38 AM

Of course not. That’s why his algorithms are public.

nico June 8, 2008 3:41 AM

cheesy, but is what comes to mind.

is not just what you want to get
but what you’re willing to give up in exchange.

The Imp June 8, 2008 4:14 AM

If you’ve got Perfect Security, then boy do I have a deal for you!

Kaukomieli June 8, 2008 4:56 AM

Even though the original caption was hilarious indeed, this one is at least as good:

B.S. not BS

For a demotivational poster I would prefer

Your Encryption Algorithm
Means little to guys like this

Jerry June 8, 2008 5:08 AM

“When you feel secure: you’re not”
“When you trust your security, you’re not doing it well”
“Tell me: how comes that twice ROT 13 is not as good as single ROT 13? Well?”
“Security is like water: only the dead don’t need it”

(Yes, not too grand, nut it’s early and I haven’t had enough coffee, but my contributions will make the others’ look better)

aikimark June 8, 2008 9:59 AM


Glad you liked it.


What do YOU think of these suggestions? Amused enough to smile?

Chris S June 8, 2008 10:23 AM

I want Schlock’s Rule #30.

= A little trust goes a long way.
= The less you use the further you’ll go.

Justin Megawarne June 8, 2008 12:07 PM

This seems to be a new Internet meme. I saw a great one the other day with a picture of John McCarthy: “PROGRAMMING: You’re Doing It Completely Wrong.”

Anonymous June 8, 2008 12:29 PM


Expending all of your resources and making people do rediculous things to thwart a threat that is less likely than being struck down by an meteorite.

james June 8, 2008 12:38 PM

I liked it.

aikimark June 8, 2008 1:31 PM

All Your Liberty Are Belong to Us
Neither do you deserve your Security

Liberty and Security
Ben Franklin was right

Missing Your Liberties?
Not such a good trade for your Security, was it?!?

Just an illusion

Work Hard For It.

Greg Ellis June 8, 2008 3:29 PM

Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.

aixwiz June 8, 2008 7:08 PM

What? Me worry?

Of course, I’d use the picture you have on your website.

John Campbell June 8, 2008 7:52 PM

Here’s another (obscure) reference:


No one listens to Zathras…

csrster June 9, 2008 2:37 AM

I’ve got to admit a liking for “if you can do your job, we’re not doing ours”, even it it’s a bit unfair on Bruce.

How about “Bruce Schneier: Together We Can Win The War On The War On T-Shirts” (on a t-shirt).

Rich June 9, 2008 4:02 AM

“We’ll let you know.
Please put your clothes on now”.

It’s the expression on his face …

Abcman June 9, 2008 4:41 AM

There is no security by obscurity.
Beards and shadows are not enough;
Bruce exposed.

Zygmunt L June 9, 2008 5:01 AM

“Dining Crytopgraphers” only available as one of a set of five matching B&W prints. The other four prints: Ross Anderson, Whit Diffie, William F. Friedman and Esdgar W. Dijkstra.

Zygmunt L June 9, 2008 5:23 AM

Anoter set:

Alice, how many times do I have to tell you that “Bob” is not a good password?

Bob, how many times do I have to tell you that “Alice” is not a good password?

No Eve, there is no Clipper chip in my phone.

Anonymous June 9, 2008 7:21 AM

haiku poster text anyone?

Security failed
Bruce has warned us about this
The lawyers circle

To keep secrets safe
From the prying eyes of Eve
…Good encryption keys

yonodeler June 9, 2008 7:53 AM

Do YOU Know Where Your Vulnerabilities Are?

Have You Ranked Your Risks Today?

Anonymous June 9, 2008 9:34 AM

I think Bruce should be offended by the original. By common use of the phrase “You’re doing it wrong”, it’s saying that Bruce Schneier is the wrong way to do security.

JPT June 9, 2008 10:18 AM

Looking at Bruce’s expression on the poster, I would go with something like this:

-The mind has no firewall-


n0rb June 9, 2008 12:48 PM

Security: Call for a free screening 1-800-AIRPORT

Security advice #23: Don’t grow a beard before flying.

Security: How scared should we be?

Fraud Guy June 9, 2008 1:02 PM

For this poster:



Then a second poster with, say, a prominent VP with the following caption:



aikimark June 9, 2008 1:15 PM

Security Theater At Its Best

Its Bruce’s Way of Telling You Something’s Wrong

Bruce Schneier
A Prime Example of a True Mod

Davi Ottenheimer June 9, 2008 1:52 PM

Excellent. I like it as it is.

I’ll pack this neatly on top of my clothes when I travel now. When the border guards open my bag…

Maybe this would work too?

“It is not the technology, stupid”


“I am positive that things will be secure. Not for you of course, but for someone.”

Tamara June 9, 2008 9:44 PM

It’s Ten O’Clock somewhere in the world–Do YOU know where your data is?

Seriously, get a better picture of Schneier for that poster-child event, that picture is not the best for engendering the respect and trust he deserves from the public.

Satya June 10, 2008 3:46 PM

a) I used the first decent picture I found
b) Gimp, not a web generator
c) Some nice alternate captions. I wanted “Bruce Schneier is suspicious” (from a boingboing post) but it didn’t seem to fit at the time.

“Bruce Schneier is suspicious of your algorithm” works better.

LabThug June 10, 2008 3:48 PM

I like the slogan “Jeff” left in the comments:

Never before have so many wasted so much on so little.

David June 10, 2008 6:39 PM

Actually I love the quote. Ever see “Mr. Mom” staring Michael Keaton? One of the kids says “You’re doing it wrong” while the dad is doing laundry I think.

Steve June 11, 2008 12:55 AM

SECURITY: Moses brings God’s word on security down from the mountain, encrypted with SHA-E20:1/17 (Sinai Hebrew Algorithm, Exodus 20:1-17)

Simon Bridge June 11, 2008 5:21 AM

Subtext for “SECURITY”:

Are you paranoid enough?

Did you think about it?

Don’t make me come down there.

Nothing to see – move along.

‘ OR 1=1;–

(I’m sure others can come up with a clever one for that last…)

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Sidebar photo of Bruce Schneier by Joe MacInnis.