This is just insane:
The Quantum Sleeper Unit is a high-level security system designed for maximum protection in various hostile environments
Quantum Sleepers can also be fitted to provide protection from destructive forces of nature such as tornados, hurricanes, earthquakes and floods.
The Quantum Sleeper is the ultimate in protection, entertainment and communications, ” ALL ROLLED UP IN ONE.”
Anonymous • April 1, 2008 1:37 PM
Given today’s date, I am going to assume this is a joke, but the USPTO website actually shows a patent #7137881 for a protective bed unit.
Erik V. Olson • April 1, 2008 1:45 PM
So, you hide in your bed, and I come in with a few lengths of 2×4 and a nail gun.
Petréa Mitchell • April 1, 2008 1:47 PM
I could see this actually appealing to the market of people who want to boast that they have weirder possessions than their friends and neighbors do.
David • April 1, 2008 1:54 PM
How is that gonna sell? It doesn’t appear to be possible to have sex in it….
malaprohibita • April 1, 2008 2:08 PM
If it isn’t a joke, it will be making the rounds on survivalist forums. Heck, even if it is a joke it will.
chabuhi • April 1, 2008 2:10 PM
Actually, this has been around for two years or more (at least, I remember seeing it that long ago).
I wrote them an email to ask what happens if I secure myself inside and the frustrated intruder douses it in gasoline and sets it ablaze.
They never replied, but I assume that the smoke detector goes off while you cook to death.
Sean • April 1, 2008 2:22 PM
Probably easily compromised with a UniBit and a cylinder of nitrogen.
Elizabeth • April 1, 2008 2:32 PM
http://www.qsleeper.com/Interested.html
This product is not yet on the market.
Presently seeking investors
Kevin D. S. • April 1, 2008 2:36 PM
From the website:
“The original thought being that anyone willing to pay $100,000+ for a product that they will hopefully never use…(i.e. a panic room) may have the option of getting one that can be used and enjoyed in the mean time (hence all the accessories).”
If you are that damned scared, send me $20K and I’ll pimp out a pine box for you. It will be comfortably lined (pink faux fur) and lighted (tap lights). Optional accessories include a refrigerator (styrofoam cooler) and premium sound system (iPod shuffle). For the incontinent scardy cats, I can include a waste system (tin can).
Alex Urbanowicz • April 1, 2008 2:42 PM
My first reaction: this is not insane, this is for rich people with severe anxiety problems.
Augie • April 1, 2008 2:43 PM
Looks like a Japanese hotel “room” to me.
Kevin D. S. • April 1, 2008 2:47 PM
@Alex Urbanowicz
So long as “claustrophobia” is not among their afflictions
Open the pod bay doors, Hal • April 1, 2008 2:58 PM
I can’t do that, Dave. It would endanger the mission.
alan • April 1, 2008 2:59 PM
My first reaction to this was “Where is my roll of duct tape?”.
Walter • April 1, 2008 3:14 PM
I was most interested in the “toiletry system.” What the heck is that about?
I wonder if google will buy them out for use in their Virgle project..
nerdboy • April 1, 2008 3:23 PM
“Quantum Sleeper Unit 2.0; now with air-holes.”
pfogg • April 1, 2008 4:03 PM
With one lid weight 300 lbs, and the other 600lbs, I’m not sure how ‘safe’ the people inside the box would be. I’m assuming it’s a gag (patent notwithstanding), but if you scale it back to a modern, more comfortable version of a box-bed, it actually makes sense: it’s cheaper to heat and cool a few cubic yards of air than a whole house, and it’s MUCH simpler to filter that much air during allergy season. Besides, who doesn’t want to be enclosed in a small space with a toilet? Oh, wait….
It looks like a glorified plywood box. Exactly what is it that’s so safe about that pathetic contraption? And who in the world would buy it? Michael Jackson? (As a replacement for his oxygen bed?)
paul • April 1, 2008 4:09 PM
As already noted, the potential fatal DoS attacks on this thing are pretty much infinite in number. There’s also the obvious waterbed-inspired question: does it protect you against injuries from falling through an unreinforced floor?
“How is that gonna sell? It doesn’t appear to be possible to have sex in it….”
Clearly you lack imagination… and flexibility.
RoaldFalcon • April 1, 2008 4:32 PM
They had me going right up to the words “robotic arms”
“The unit can also be fitted with defensive devices customized to the requests of the purchasers such as tear gas spray, robotic arms, or projectile weaponry. “
gorfus • April 1, 2008 5:19 PM
looks like the ultimate Dutch Oven.
alan • April 1, 2008 6:17 PM
Another idea:
Tape it shut and add a shipping label. Mail to random address.
Gweihir • April 1, 2008 6:35 PM
I wonder whether the local fire department is also provided with the equipment and knowledge on how to open it in case it somehow locks shut?
Thoth • April 1, 2008 7:25 PM
Looks like a coffin. Does it have ventilation to prevent suffocation when the ‘coffin’ system goes down ?
Anonymous • April 1, 2008 7:30 PM
Sure, it’s a potential deathtrap and all, but damn, it’s so cool!
Furthermore, I have seen it here and there (on the net) for several years now, so I don’t think it’s a joke. Put some explosive bolts on the release, give it some decent insulation, give it some kind of window or periscope and put a rebreather mask or two inside, and you should be able to get out of most problems. Add a gun locker, and you should even be able to survive the zombies…
Paul • April 1, 2008 8:46 PM
It kind of looks like sleeping in a souped up coffin. Actually, come to think of it, you would be more protected from “Bio-Chemical terrorist attack” if you buried six feet underground.
Russell Coker • April 1, 2008 8:56 PM
http://www.qsleeper.com/protec.html
According to the above page it “is capable of stopping a bullet from a hand gun up to a 357 magnum caliber”. There are a lot of rifles that are more powerful than that.
All this means is that someone who wants to attack a rich idiot needs a 44 Magnum, a reasonably powerful rifle, some coolant (dry ice or similar) to make the plastic brittle, or some petrol.
Also I wonder what would happen if you took a full-sized sledge-hammer and welded a hardened steel spike to one face. Would such an improvised pole-axe (which I have heard of people using to slaughter cattle) be able to punch a hole in the polycarbonate?
antibozo • April 1, 2008 10:37 PM
Merely the stuff of William Gibson stories.
Ripley • April 2, 2008 12:15 AM
Unless it has some really powerful hydraulic openers, it seems it could be held shut with little more than nylon strapping tape. Then the attacker could use any number of mechanisms for snuffing the occupants at any time. Since it’s sound-proof, once you’re captive in a Quantum Sleeper Unit, no one can hear you scream.
yonodeler • April 2, 2008 1:21 AM
What’s the crib’s tsunami-resistance
rating?
D0R • April 2, 2008 2:43 AM
When I first saw this ad I thought “April Fools’ joke”. The possibility that it could be a true product actually scares me.
Sortkatt • April 2, 2008 6:18 AM
Hey, don’t diss it. It might be the silliest thing ever, it won’t work, and the price tag is ridiculous, but I still want one. It’s cool!
About time they designed a bed for gadget freaks. Well, paranoid and gullible gadget freaks, but still.
tcliu • April 2, 2008 7:28 AM
“Power: Unit must have access to house outlet jack (110V) to supply power to the Quantum Sleeper Unit”
That’d be my way to disable that particular Doom Fortress. Just flip the master switch in the house, or burn out a few fuses to make it look like an accident. Assuming that whoever buys this is quite physically feeble (which seems to me likely, as those people are generally more afraid), my victim(s) will be conveniently already locked up in a huge casket, suffocating.
And let’s not mention the “starve them out” and “wait them out because there is no toilet in there” strategies.
Black kitten • April 2, 2008 7:37 AM
“Just flip the master switch in the house, or burn out a few fuses to make it look like an accident.”
– or just pull the plug?
“And let’s not mention the “starve them out” and “wait them out because there is no toilet in there” strategies.”
Who on earth goes to bed without bringing food? Also, toiletries and rebreathers were included.
Why not just get a TARDIS box? I hear they are very roomy on the inside.
Flexy • April 2, 2008 8:43 AM
Well, it’s a lot easier to have sex in the Quantum Sleeper than in an airplane bathroom. 🙂
James • April 2, 2008 10:17 AM
Combine flexy’s idea with alan’s…
Tape it shut, throw a shipping label on it, and viola…you can join the mile high club on a cargo plane!
rai • April 2, 2008 10:46 AM
Don’ forget to put out the claymores every night, and take them in in the morning.
also put a padlock hasp on the outside to keep people from hiding in there ;~/
Hurricane/Tornado/Earthquake proof? Ok, so maybe it’s strong enough to protect you when your house collapses. Of course, if it’s soundproof, the rescuers won’t hear your shouts for help.
Flood? I hope the water recedes fast, or again, the rescuers won’t hear you.
antibozo • April 2, 2008 12:41 PM
Reminds me of a Roger Dean design called “Escape Pod”, except Dean’s was much cooler.
thewiz • April 2, 2008 3:50 PM
If a tornado takes this thing for a flight, I guarantee that it won’t survive the landing.
Bill • April 3, 2008 4:34 AM
“Quantum Sleeper Unit 3.0; now with asteroid resistance.”
Anonymous • April 3, 2008 6:40 AM
And if you die while in it, you needn’t worry about purchasing a coffin!
caradoc • April 6, 2008 10:05 PM
CB radio?
quantumsnarker • January 13, 2011 4:14 PM
if they can make it survive being right under a nuke or something it might be cool
Anonymous • February 5, 2024 2:39 PM
“We should also note that deliberate sleep deprivation, as practiced in various penal colonies and torture centers around the world, is expected to increase parasite attack on the victims (on top of its other negative effects”
Excerpt From
The Folly of Fools
Robert Trivers
https://books.apple.com/us/book/the-folly-of-fools/id1210003137
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Sidebar photo of Bruce Schneier by Joe MacInnis.
J.D. Abolins • April 1, 2008 1:34 PM
Amazing!
Is it me or does it remind one of a coffin?
The suggested price of $135,000 for a basic unit might make a modified casket more cost effective. See http://www.qsleeper.com/Interested.html (By the way, the unit is even supposed to protect from biological warfare. Sleep tight and don’t let the bad bugs bite.)
The advert like a grand April Fools joke.