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February 15, 2008

DHS in The Onion

Funny.

Posted on February 15, 2008 at 11:57 AM • 12 Comments

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Comments

jack c lipton • February 15, 2008 12:14 PM

The biggest problem I see the Onion as having is that reality catches up too quickly.

Andy • February 15, 2008 12:36 PM

That was very funny. I think my brother still thinks them as a valid (non-spoof) news source

Carlo Graziani • February 15, 2008 1:06 PM

The "Unimportant Lost Folder Alert System" chart is a keeper.

Anonymous • February 15, 2008 1:46 PM

This reminds me of when the second shuttle blew up over texas.

"The pieces falling are not harmless in any way. But for God's sake don't touch them! Just call us and we'll send some black SUVs over with men in hazmat suits. But really, nothing to worry about"

i.e. we'd like to scare you, but don't be scared.

CJ • February 15, 2008 2:00 PM

Best line in the story:

"He also outlined tactics that the DHS has taken thus far to recover the folder, including retracing their steps all the way back to a local Starbucks, going through the office trash bin, waterboarding several members of the DHS cleaning staff, and looking in the same desk drawer 10 times."

Anonymous • February 15, 2008 3:49 PM

And that right there is the reason why I declined the CIA position. I'd end up leaving classified docs at Putin's house.

Alan • February 15, 2008 5:42 PM

Every problem can be solved by a one-way screw.

Kees • February 16, 2008 10:15 AM

@Carlo Graziani,
you can create your own fear charts here: http://fear.tjp.hu/

natenido • February 16, 2008 2:22 PM

Slightly less funny:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23185937/

"American Samoa's delegate to the U.S. Congress ...has asked the Department of Homeland Security to begin an investigation into death of 14-day-old Michael Tony Futi last Friday.

The baby had been flown to Honolulu for emergency heart surgery. He died while detained inside a customs' room at the Honolulu airport with his mother and a nurse."

ICantSee • February 18, 2008 12:51 PM

The company I work for blocks the Onion.

CipherChaos • February 19, 2008 9:08 PM

Sadly, this could happen very easily; if not a folder, then an electronic equivalent.

@Carlo Graziani:
I liked the chart, too. :)

@ICantSee:
Try Tor; it will circumvent many types of network filters:
https://torproject.org

Do know, though, that using Tor on a company network (or circumventing network "security" measures in any way), may violate some part of your employment agreement, and result in instant fire-ization.

John David Galt • February 23, 2008 3:43 PM

On some topics (for instance, the environmental movement), The Onion is straight news - and more reliable than most other sources!

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