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The show is about security theater. I am a disembodied head on a scooter.
Here’s a teaser. Here’s the full episode (for pay, but cheap).
The scooter idea was a hack when I couldn’t find the time to fly to LA for live filming. The whole thing was a lot of fun.
AI theorist Eliezer Yudkowsky coined Moore’s Law of Mad Science: “Every eighteen months, the minimum IQ necessary to destroy the world drops by one point.”
Oh, how I wish I said that.
James Mickens, for your amusement. A somewhat random sample:
My point is that security people need to get their priorities straight. The “threat model” section of a security paper resembles the script for a telenovela that was written by a paranoid schizophrenic: there are elaborate narratives and grand conspiracy theories, and there are heroes and villains with fantastic (yet oddly constrained) powers that necessitate a grinding battle of emotional and technical attrition. In the real world, threat models are much simpler (see Figure 1). Basically, you’re either dealing with Mossad or not-Mossad. If your adversary is not-Mossad, then you’ll probably be fine if you pick a good password and don’t respond to emails from ChEaPestPAiNPi11s@virus-basket.biz.ru. If your adversary is the Mossad, YOU’RE GONNA DIE AND THERE’S NOTHING THAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. The Mossad is not intimidated by the fact that you employ https://. If the Mossad wants your data, they’re going to use a drone to replace your cellphone with a piece of uranium that’s shaped like a cellphone, and when you die of tumors filled with tumors, they’re going to hold a press conference and say “It wasn’t us” as they wear t-shirts that say “IT WAS DEFINITELY US,” and then they’re going to buy all of your stuff at your estate sale so that they can directly look at the photos of your vacation instead of reading your insipid emails about them. In summary, https:// and two dollars will get you a bus ticket to nowhere. Also, SANTA CLAUS ISN’T REAL. When it rains, it pours.
Yet another example of my surreal life. (No, I have no idea who did this.)
I have always liked this one.
As usual, you can also use this squid post to talk about the security stories in the news that I haven’t covered.
Universe does not explode.
Photo here.
EDITED TO ADD (5/15): Commentary. There are some funny buddy-movie suggestions.
On Monday, I asked Adm. Rogers a question.
EDITED TO ADD: The question.
EDITED TO ADD (4/11): The question is at 1h 40m 02s.
For its “Top Influencers in Security You Should Be Following in 2015” blog post, TripWire asked me: “If you could have one infosec-related superpower, what would it be?” I answered:
Most superpowers are pretty lame: super strength, super speed, super sight, super stretchiness.
Teleportation would probably be the most useful given my schedule, but for subverting security systems, you can’t beat invisibility. You can bypass almost every physical security measure with invisibility, and when you trip an alarm—say, a motion sensor—the guards that respond will conclude that you’re a false alarm.
Oh, you want an “infosec” superpower. Hmmm. The ability to detect the origin of packets? The ability to bypass firewalls without a sound? The ability to mimic anyone’s biometric? Those are all too techy for me. Maybe the ability to translate my thoughts into articles and books without going through the tedious process of writing. But then, what would I do on long airplane flights? So maybe I need teleportation after all.
Sidebar photo of Bruce Schneier by Joe MacInnis.
