Dr. I. Needtob Athe December 25, 2017 11:03 AM

My favorite line in the traditional version of that song is “be good for goodness sake.” I see it as the REAL reason to be good, as opposed to the cynical promise of a reward in the afterlife.

MK December 25, 2017 12:02 PM

or, as Mae West said in Night After Night, when someone remarked: “Goodness! What lovely diamonds!

“Goodness had nothing to do with it, dearie.”

Wael December 25, 2017 12:11 PM

I could do better than that. Even @Clive Robinson could, although his version would be hard to decipher. Mine is cleartext.

Wael December 25, 2017 12:42 PM

On the twelfth day of Christmas
my government sent to me:
12 Hummers Coming
Eleven Snippers Snipping
Ten Lords a Leaping
Nine Ladies Dancing
Eight Maids a Milking
Seven Swans a Swimming
Six Geese a Laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two TSA gloves
and a cartridge with an Intel ME

Too lazy to do the rest… @Rachel, hint hint, wink wink!

Daniel December 25, 2017 1:12 PM

He’s keeping a file / And running a tail.

I was surprised to learn that the Carter DOJ used UNIX, with someone keeping a dossier in a file so another person could run tail -f. Truly advanced for a government agency of its time!

Clive Robinson December 25, 2017 6:38 PM

@ Wael,

I could do better than that. Even @Clive Robinson could…

Hmm your confidence is not inspiring me at the moment (but it is, 00:40 here in London).

However when it comes to silly Christmas songs can I commend to you Bob Rivers “It’s the most fattening time of the year” from “More twisted christmas” album.

A copy of which my son assures me is on Utube. Also Bob’s version of “The devil went down to Jamaica” which makes my son laugh (though it realy should not 😉

Clive Robinson December 25, 2017 6:51 PM

@ Wael, Rachel,

Working backwards,

Three French Pens
Four homing pigeons
Five decoder rings
Six police a lying
Seven guns a swinging
Eight drones a killing
Nine Gurkhas dicing
Ten paras a leaping

Wael December 25, 2017 7:18 PM

@Clive Robinson,

Mua hahaha 🙂

Ten Toms a Peeping
Nine Spooks a Glancing


Thirteen Schneier’s a posting 🙂 (this is the thirteenth post.)

Bad Santa December 25, 2017 7:41 PM

You better bug out
You better not pry
Better not doubt
I’m telling you why
Security laws are coming to town

They’re making a watch-list
And checking for vice
Gonna find out who’s gotta be iced
Security laws are coming to town

They see you when you’re breathing
They know when you are baked
They’ve bugged your house and neighborhood
So praise the state for goodness sake!

Oh! You better not doubt!
You shouldn’t ask why
Better not spout
I’m telling you why
Security laws are coming…
Security laws are coming…
Security laws are coming to town

Wael December 25, 2017 8:24 PM

@Clive Robinson,

Hmm your confidence is not inspiring me at the moment…

My confidence in you is way high. Just gauging the stiffness of your upper lip. Your response conforms to expectation. Passed with distinction 😉

Bad Santa December 25, 2017 8:35 PM

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Dictatorship

It’s beginning to look a lot like dictatorship
Ev’rywhere you go;
Take a look in the parliament, threatening once again
With propaganda and evil eyes aglow.

It’s beginning to look a lot like dictatorship,
Militia in ev’ry store,
But the ugliest sight to see is the implant that will be
Part of your own backdoor.

A pair of firmware roots and a computer in cahoots
Is the wish of Spooky and Ben;
Dolls that will record and shall be stored
Is the hope of Janice and Jen;
And Men in Black can hardly wait for fools to blog again.

It’s beginning to look a lot like dictatorship
Ev’rywhere you go;
There’s ears in the Grand Hotel, some in the park as well,
The sly kind that always needs to know.

It’s beginning to look a lot like dictatorship;
Soon the purge will start,
And the thing that will sting is the peril that this brings
To black sites you will depart.

Drone December 26, 2017 2:47 AM

“This was supposedly written for and sung at a US Department of Justice, Office of Legal Counsel Christmas party…”

Not Funny – Scary

Rachel December 26, 2017 2:54 AM

Wael Clive

on the of Christmas my Big Bruvver gave to me

12 clickbait cookies
11 facebook funnies
11 fakenews fibbies
10 smartphone myopias
09 checkpoint charlies
08 soviet nostalgias
07 cuban ’63 yearnings
06 delerium tremens

oh dear see what happens

Rachel December 26, 2017 3:01 AM

10 Waels trippin’
09 Dirks Romper Stompin’
08 Bruce Fish encryptions
07 Figureitout paranoian
06 Nick P behavin’
05 Clive Clivey Cliven
04 Trolls a dos-ing
03 EFF a ineffectualin’
02 Rachels a failin’
01 Grateful audience in a deadtree (cave)

Wael December 26, 2017 4:55 AM


10 [redacted] trippin’

Ain’t nobody trippin’ nowhere, gurl![1]

[1] If you watched One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, you’d know where a similar response was. A bit more colorful than this one 😉

Hint: search for “where the hell is he” here

Rachel December 26, 2017 6:37 AM

10 Waels proofreadin’
09 Clives PvC Believin’
08 Dirks Punk legal proceedin’
07 Thoths Smartcard Dreaming
06 NickPs dossier distributin’
05 Moderaters cleaning
04 Bruces Squid fetish relievin’
03 Net Neutrality deceivin’
02 Israeli Unis prior art debasin’
01 and an Alan Partridge in a deadtree

(According to a Spike Lee movie slang, someone ‘trippin’ is apparently a bad thing. They say ‘dawg!’ a lot too. Au contraire I had Redacted tripping as an exciting thing! Thoths Smartcard dreaming is similar- like Indigenous Dreaming )

I loveCuckoos Nest film and book.
Never got the impression I’d enjoy Jack in person though

Clive Robinson December 26, 2017 8:32 AM

@ Rachel, Wael,

trippin’ is apparently a bad thing.

Hmm as a parent there is a frequently observed five stage process from joy to sorrow in your offspring,

1, Hopping
2, Skipping
3, Jumping
4, Tripping
5, Wailing

So yeh it ain’t a good part of the learning process…

My Son decided to go rapidly through all but stage five one day. He’d come upstairs with his favorite toy (a working tower crane) chearfully asking me to play. I said I’d be down in a minute. He turned on the stair and flew to the bottom in one heart stopping arc. Where he just lay, as I rushed down he sat up with a very sad face and not very responsive. 15mins later we were being seen by the triage nurse at the hospital. He was still glum and docile so we were shown into the waiting area, where he found a toy of interest. Ten minutes later as his turn to see the Dr came, he was bright eyed and not quite back to stage 1 and it was only his still shocked dad that showed any sign of the near calamity…

Oh he’s now within an inch of my hight and has to turn his shoulders sidwise to get through some doors and duck for others and his shoe size is larger than mine… If he fell down stairs like that today he’d probably punch straight through the wall, get up and dust himself off. He was thinking about taking up rugby as a sport, but there was all the legal stuff with the US NFL and head injuries, so he decided on something less risky, so does Taekwondo instead… His teacher told me that he lacked aggression and that was effecting his grading. I kind of looked at his teacher who’s about 2/3rds his size, raised an eyebrow and said “his lacking aggression is a bad thing?” which got a momentry blank look then a hearty laugh.

Petre Peter December 26, 2017 10:04 AM

Funny but scary that i must have an account and be logged to leave a comment. i am the oracle that has intelligence inside.

Bob Dylan's Fussy Mess December 26, 2017 10:14 AM

It’s not security directly but I wrote this parody about the failures of modern technology based upon how the Christmas season went at the Bob Dylan household.

Up on the Countertop

(to the tune of “Up on the Rooftop”).

Up on the countertop our Echo sits,
Busy with orders we can’t quit.
Down through the garden to expectant eyes,
Comes the FedEx man with Christmas prize.

oh no no!
A GE….stove?
Oh no no!
I said G.I Joe.
Grab the old laptop,
click, click, click,
So many broken orders
this is just sick.

First my daughter buys an Elsa doll,
wants to sing when she grows tall.
What the hell is up with this Bezos guy
sending me a six pack of frozen pies!

oh no no!
A GE….stove?
Oh no no!
I said G.I Joe
Grab the old laptop,
click, click, click,
So many broken orders
this is just sick.

Next my son buys a black BeagleBone,
wants to be a coder when he grows old.
But look what came in the package man
Some kind of Snoopy fashion pin!

oh no no!
A GE….stove?
Oh no no!
I said G.I Joe.
Grab the old laptop,
click, click, click,
So many broken orders
this is just sick.

Wael December 26, 2017 10:25 AM

@Clive Robinson, @Rachel,

Trippin’ likely evolved from a description of the effects of LSD or Acid; an Acid Trip is the noun. Tripping is the verb of going on such a ‘journey’. The word’s meaning and usage expanded from then on.

Steve Jobs went on a trip or two early in his youth. He attributed some of his success to LSD trips, and said that Bill Gates could have been more of a visionary had he gone on a few trips. Probably that’s the reason we don’t have Windows XP on LSD 🙂

Wesley Parish December 27, 2017 1:13 AM

Reindeer are very sensitive creatures. We must not forget the most important one of all, Blitzen the Brown-Nosed Reindeer, must we?!? That would hurt his feelings no end!!!

Blitzen the Brown-Nosed Reindeer
Had a very smelly nose;
And if you saw or smelt it,
You could never say it glows.
No other reindeer liked him,
But they never called him names.
They always made sure Blitzen
Won all of their reindeer games.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say:
“Blitzen with your nose so brown
Won’t you slay my guide in town”
Then all the reindeer feared him,
And they shouted out in fright:
“Blitzen the Brown-Nosed Reindeer,
You know where you can go tonight!”

Without boneheaded enforcers like Blitzen, Santa would never be able to surveill you, would he?

not_a_book_report December 27, 2017 6:49 PM

First the bad news; one of the worst Christmas songs of all time

However, reasonable minds can differ about the Boss and Santa Claus is Coming to Town. For example,

Springsteen and the E Street Band Live in San Francisco 1978-

and Springsteen 2007


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