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Schneier on SecurityA blog covering security and security technology. « Hypersonic Cruise Missiles | Main | Homeopathic Bomb » April 30, 2010Fun with Secret QuestionsAlly Bank wants its customers to invent their own personal secret questions and answers; the idea is that an operator will read the question over the phone and listen for an answer. Ignoring for the moment the problem of the operator now knowing the question/answer pair, what are some good pairs? Some suggestions: Q: Do you know why I think you're so sexy? Okay, now it's your turn. Posted on April 30, 2010 at 7:24 AM • 222 Comments To receive these entries once a month by e-mail, sign up for the Crypto-Gram Newsletter. Clive Robinson • April 30, 2010 7:36 AM How about a blast or two from the film past with, Q: Dave would you like to play chess? Q: What would you like to play to day? Or perhaps even Morgan Sporlock, Q: Would sir like chips with that? OR the one I've used to up set some of these idiots, Q: What is the name of your first pet, (you could also try K9, or C4 cat) snxuevzr • April 30, 2010 7:36 AM if i can to create my own question. Movie quote-inspired: Q: Can you hammer a six inch spike through a board with your penis? I can also see potential for all kinds of cheesy pickup lines here: Q: If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? Snarki, child of Loki • April 30, 2010 7:56 AM Q: Do you authorize us to transfer a free gift of $1M to your account? Alan Kaminsky • April 30, 2010 8:05 AM James Bond's secret bank questions "Goldfinger" "The Spy Who Loved Me" "Moonraker" Muffin • April 30, 2010 8:11 AM Q: Who's on first? And so on... I wonder if the bank could be convinced to allow conversations that span multiple secret questions/answers. All in the named of increased security, of course. ;) Cory Doctorow • April 30, 2010 8:16 AM I'm pretty boring, I know, but I always just use, "What is the random string?" and paste in a 64-character random string, keeping a record of it in a password locker. peri • April 30, 2010 8:21 AM Q: I'd like to take a moment to tell you about our long distance plan. Tanuki • April 30, 2010 8:23 AM Q: Where am I? Q: What do you want? Q: Whose side are you on? Q: Who are you? Q: Who is Number One? Alfihar • April 30, 2010 8:29 AM A: What is best in life? kog999 • April 30, 2010 8:31 AM Q: Can you can a canned can into an uncanned can like a canner can can a canned can into an uncanned can? A: I'm sorry, could you please repeat that Q: Oh My God, Fire, Fire, everyone get out now! A: The roof the roof the roof is on fire Q: I found a reason to show, a side of me i didn't know, a reason for all that i do A: and the reason is you Q: what is your secreat question's answer A: I dont remeber Q: Error 352: Cannot locate cust_ID in database A: Error 312: strAnswer if Undefinded Tyler • April 30, 2010 8:31 AM Famous-quote pairs are obvious: Q: What is the flight-speed of an unladen swallow? Q: Are you pondering what I'm pondering? A better approach might be something along the lines of: Q: What is the third word in the second paragraph of page 352 in your Calculus book from college? Of course, that presumes you have access to that book on a regular basis, and wouldn't need to use the secret question pair when you were, say, on vacation. Jan • April 30, 2010 8:37 AM A few ideas from the Monkey Island insult list. Q: This is the END for you, you gutter-crawling cur! Q: Soon you'll be wearing my sword like a shish kebab! Q: My handkerchief will wipe up your blood! Q: People fall at my feet when they see me coming. Q: I once owned a dog that was smarter then you. Q: You make me want to puke. Q: Nobody's ever drawn blood from me and nobody ever will. Q: You fight like a dairy farmer. Q: I got this scar on my face during a mighty struggle! Q: Have you stopped wearing diapers yet? Q: I've heard you were a contemptible sneak. Q: You're no match for my brains, you poor fool. Q: You have the manners of a beggar. Q: I'm not going to take your insolence sitting down! Q: There are no words for how disgusting you are. Q: I've spoken with apes more polite then you. Gweihir • April 30, 2010 8:43 AM Q: Sir, may I ask you your security question? rob • April 30, 2010 8:43 AM Q: Is this the right question? or better: A: No or even better (if you have plenty of time): A: Excuse me, what did you say? Davi Ottenheimer • April 30, 2010 8:46 AM It doesn't really have to be a question, just a call and response, no? I know there's less entropy, but still I'd be tempted to use classic lines Q: I could dance with you till the cows come home. Q: If you're alone then why is your table set for four? Q: I'll teach you to kick me Q: Pick a number from one to ten Mark • April 30, 2010 8:50 AM You could have so much fun with this... Q: Hello, you're through to the hot banking chat line, how can I help you? Q: What do you want me to do? Q: My name is Cindy and I'm here to service your every need, how do you want me to start? All these would be perfectly suited to for male customer service representative :). Seriously though, I imagine many people would try and be "clever" and use quotes, from films and the like, but actually a smart and quick witted attacker would probably be able to guess the response more easily as they *are* well known lines / Q&As. This would actually make this less secure than using personal data. Kieran • April 30, 2010 8:50 AM There's a tiny British comedienne (her name escapes me) who claimed on-stage a while back that hers were: Q. You're not going out dressed like that are you? Shachar Shemesh • April 30, 2010 8:52 AM I'm surprised no-one caught on to it yet. Since the secret questions/answers can be offensive, wouldn't that expose the bank to sexual harassment law suites from its employees? Shachar Spamfarm • April 30, 2010 9:02 AM Q: Sir, before I begin, I would like to remind you that we do not serve gays, latinos, women, or people over the age of 50. Are you any of those things, sir? Andre LePlume • April 30, 2010 9:02 AM This is a major threat. Al Qaeda could harness this very freedom against us. These customer service lines and secret questions make a useful covert channel: Q: At what day does Osama say to commence Operation X? Q: In what city will we strike with our infamous LED sanity disruptor? Tim • April 30, 2010 9:07 AM Kieran: I know who you mean but I have totally forgotten her name! Welsh, giggly... dmc • April 30, 2010 9:08 AM Q: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? A: A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood. BF Skinner • April 30, 2010 9:20 AM Q. What do you want from life? peri • April 30, 2010 9:25 AM Q: [bank manager's full name] [bank manager's SSN] [bank manager's private checking account number] [bank manager's security question] [bank manager's security answer] [bank manager's private checking PIN]. How do you respond? Andy • April 30, 2010 9:27 AM @Tim - I did hear Lucy Porter use that exact line at a comedy night about eighteen months ago. Terence Eden • April 30, 2010 9:33 AM @Kieran @Tim Yup, Lucy Porter has had that in her standup set for ages. I first saw it ~3 years ago. "Lucy Porter: I went to the bank and they told me I needed a security question for telephone banking. I asked if there was a list to choose from and they said no, I could pick any question. So now it's great, whenever I call the bank the person on the other end has to ask me "You're not going out dressed like that are you?" and I reply "You can't tell me what to do, you're not my real dad!"" peri • April 30, 2010 9:34 AM Q: [Random question asked of the Internet Orcale]. lazlo • April 30, 2010 9:34 AM Q: what is your customer number?'); drop table customers; -- A: Error, table customer not found. A long time ago, a friend told me that his question/answer combo for his bank was: Q: Why are you such a fucking pussy? Trichinosis USA • April 30, 2010 9:42 AM It's probably only a matter of time before the banking industry catches up to the rest of the military/industrial complex: Q: Do you love me, now that I can dance? Jon • April 30, 2010 9:44 AM Lucy Porter does a short routine on it. As well as the "You're not going out dressed like that are you?", she includes the "micro-drama": Q: "Sebastian, is that you?" Michael Mouse • April 30, 2010 9:50 AM I always use: Q: Why aren't user-defined questions a perfect solution to the problem that many standard security questions have answers which are easily guessable or findable? A: Even the commenters on Bruce Schneier's blog appear to have trouble thinking of questions whose answers are not easily guessable or findable. (And remember folks: do not misuse the privilege of knowing Cory Doctorow's standard security question.) Timmy303 • April 30, 2010 9:54 AM Q: What time does your wife take the kids to school? Q: Have you ever poisoned an atmosphere? Okay that second one was an obscure reference. Also @Andre LePlume RE: Boston sanity disruptor TOO LATE!!!! Dave Marcus • April 30, 2010 10:04 AM For a long time my "verbal password" for calling American Express and being able to speak to a human - a requirement over and above the other IDs checks they have already forced was .... amexsux It was always such a mean-spirited pleasure to say that when the agent asked me for my verbal. Easy to remember, too. Bryan • April 30, 2010 10:12 AM The obvious problem with all of these based on well known or searchable quotes is an attacker can guess them. Try harder next time. Jonathan • April 30, 2010 10:20 AM I heard this in a parody of Star Wars Episode III. Obi-Wan and Yoda talking about Anakin: Q: That boy was our last hope. Well-known question, unexpected answer. Virosa • April 30, 2010 10:28 AM I'm not going to post my question, but the answer will be "THE ARISTOCRATS!!!" christopher • April 30, 2010 10:39 AM I actually employ the technique of a nonsense answer to a question, thus guaranteeing "something I know": Q: Name of first employer Bryan Feir • April 30, 2010 10:47 AM @Clive Robinson: Amusingly, my sister actually named her cat C'fer at one point, explaining that it was C fer Cat. Khris • April 30, 2010 10:54 AM Since most people won't click on the attribution link, it would be classier to say "as my friend posted this morning" and put the whole post in quotes. I'm delighted you linked to it, but copying an entire post verbatim and putting an attribution link suggests you wrote an original post inspired by something you saw when actually, this is a direct copy & paste. You're way too awesome to have a crappy comment like this posted by some windbag with an opinion like me. Khris • April 30, 2010 10:58 AM Whoops, I posted before re-checking. Thank you for attributing/fixing! Rules. jrr • April 30, 2010 11:08 AM I have actually used: Hawkins Dale • April 30, 2010 11:10 AM Some of these are *extremely* funny. But as Mr. Mouse pointed out, more cleverly than I: if the responses are guessable, then they're bad. I like Christopher's idea, which is also funny: standard question, Ionesco-grade absurd response. The trick would be not to trick yourself: if asked by my bank for the name of my first employer, I might answer the question with the name of my first employer, having forgotten the trick. So maybe the idea would be to embed something in the question that would remind you (and only you) of the correct absurd response. Q: What is the name of your pet? Q: What does napalm smell like in the morning? derf • April 30, 2010 11:14 AM Makes me think of kids in grade school: Q: Pete and Repeat were sitting on a fence. Pete fell off. Who was left? paul • April 30, 2010 11:26 AM "Knock, knock" I had problems along these lines when I moved from one city to another, and realized only years later that all of my security questions/answers were based on the old address. Casey • April 30, 2010 11:31 AM I can't help it... Q: What is your quest? Q: What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? Todd • April 30, 2010 11:34 AM From the Firesign Theater archives: Q: Porgy, is that what you're going to do after graduation? Q: Can you phrase that as a question? Q: Notice what the cross is made out of. Gold. Got any? Q: But, Dad, I still don't see how you can be the People's Prosecutor and my defense attorney at the same time. Q: Perhaps you remember her as Melanie Haber? Audrey Farber? Susan Underhill? …Betty Jo Bialowsky? SteveJ • April 30, 2010 11:39 AM Q: Your secret answer sir, what is it? Nick P • April 30, 2010 11:40 AM I don't think anyone could enter (or remember) the answer to this one. It's a quote that would leave even the best shouldersurfers in agony. Question: "What are your extended, unsolicited views on this rather broad topic?" Answer: "We have had part of this conversation before, But I'll go through your points. "So you've doubled the components (complexity)" Err probably not (certainly not in my hardware prototype any way). Have a look at the diference between CISC and RISC architectures. CISC was based on an idea that by making instructions "do more" you'ld save memory which was very very expensive at the time (upwards of 1000USD/64K). This is nolonger true and the problems have moved to memory IO bottle necks. Thus most code spends more time being shifted around in memory than it ever does being executed, and the CPU blocks on memory... A consiquence of CISC is so many instructions that you have a great deal of redundancy in the instruction set and this makes Malware attacks significantly easier (Make your own shell script in ASCII if you want to see why). I would argue that dropping CISC in favour of RISC would gain significant advantages in terms of silicon real estate. Thus whilst I have conceptualy "doubled" in fact I've thrown out most of the usless and un-needed "complexity". So much so that you could put many general purpose compute engines under one restricted function engine. Which is actually adventageous. "and done away with all our present-day programming languages (barring maybe asm or BASIC)" Compleat twaddle, and you should know that. If you are actually arguing that the majority of higher level programing language compilers and language tools are written in C or use the C library interface fine. But there is no reason for them to be, and your argument boils down to "C is the translation code of choice", and unfortunatly as most code cutters don't know how to behave safely let alone securely C takes it's bagage with it where ever it goes. Look at it this way it's like alowing a bunch of 5 year olds unrestricted access to a "tool shop without safety guards", you know it's going to end in a world of hurt for everybody involved. With regards, "... Harvard architecture is only marginally more secure." That depends on how you use it. Because of C most Harvard architectures have been weakened, and it is this weakening that has allowed the gadget attacks to be possible. As I said earlier we have had this conversation before. When you say, " Harvard architectures still can be attacked with return-oriented-programming... so smashing the stack would still be fun and profitable." I pointed out it was due to the "extras" added to the Harvard architecture that made this possible. Thus I posted a link to a paper that makes the same claim as you but clearly shows that it's the "extras" that are responsable. Thus I used the term "Strict Harvard architecture" to differentiate. " - High-level flaws in software *cannot* be defeated by low-level design." This is what many in the US call a "strawman argument". I can make the safest car engine in the world but it won't stop you putting it in a dangerous car, and it won't stop a drunk driver using it to smash their way home leaving piles of mechanical and human wreckage in their wake. A simple way to make most code more secure would be to properly deal with "exceptions" in all their various forms. However this needs a fundemental change in mindset of a programer from "Gung Ho charge the cannon's down" to a more statefull way of thinking. "Financial data transmitted in plain text would still be transmitted in plain text." That is a fault not of the system or the programers but those at the top. And incidently in of it's self is not actually bad. You have to have it in "plain text" at some point to allow it to be processed. It is a question of where you set your boundries and how you implement them. "Timing side-channels in encryption libraries wouldn't go away." No but again this is not architecture related and it has some inherant problems that you appear unaware of (the problem came about due to trying to solve another problem, and in all likleyhood the solution will open up another attack for other reasons). The issue is doing crypto in software on an unknown platform. "Bad RNGs (a la debian's openssl) would still expose your keys." RNG's are (as you might know if you are a longterm Bruce's blog reader) a subject close to my heart. If you are refering to the problem I think you are it was actually a deliberate choice by a programer to make a change that made it insecure.... And yes the last time I looked there where still people out there using weak PK certs based on it... "Heck, even path traversal would still be with us..." Again an issue that is not realy anything to do with the CPU architecture. And thus I can only conclude you don't actually understand the issue. There are all sorts of "assurance" issues at every layer in the stack from the cluless/malicious (ab)user down to the wires and components that leak data via EM and audio radiation. For a secure system you need to resolve all of the issues. This can be by fixing them or mittigating them it is a design choice at that level in the stack. However fixing a problem at a lower level will not stop poor choices further up the stack leaking information at a high level. Importantly fixing high level problems will not stop poor choices further down the stack leaking information at a low level. Worse any fixes at a high level can always be side steped by "bubbling up" from a flaw at a lower level (when the flaw is to small to be visable this is also known as the "Champaign bubble effect" that is the effect of the flaw only becomes visable considerably higher up). Most malware get's control by one of two routes, Through the user, or by "bubbling up" from a lower level. No technical solution (other than maybe the bullet) can solve the user issue. But there are partial technical solutions to the "bubbling up" explotation of a fault or flaw. The question is where and how do you expend resources to resolve the issues at lower levels. One way is to get rid of a very badly flawed architecture that positivly encorages "bubbling up" by it's very inherant design. The question then becomes will the market alow it. Saddly at the moment we are stuck with the iA86 architecture even Intel admitted defeat and binned it's iA64 architecture in favour of the AMD64 solution. The question is will the "business environment" allow "natural selection" to rid us of this "Saber tooth tiger" evolutionary dead end? Even it's designers Intel know it's doomed, but they appear locked in a "danse macabre" with amongst others AMD, driven on by the maddened cajoling of the carousing consumer market. Which leaves the question what happens when the music stops?" *short answer:* I'm Clive Robinson, biatches! Christopher Browne • April 30, 2010 11:40 AM At one time, my "pass phrase" was... We don't need no steeking pass phrase! Andrew • April 30, 2010 11:45 AM Q. What is 42? A. Six times nine. Q. Do you have your towel? A. Of course! Q. Why will the Earth be demolished? A1. To make way for a hyperspace bypass. A2. That's kind of a crazy question. Are you quite right in the head? A3. Because in the not so distant future, question and answer pairs will replace Permissive Action Links in nuclear weapons security. SteveJ • April 30, 2010 11:46 AM Q: Do we properly escape our SQL? Bert • April 30, 2010 11:49 AM Q: Do you have the password? (Umberto Eco, "Foucault's Pendulum") Princess Bride • April 30, 2010 11:56 AM Q: Who are you?? Paul Hoffman • April 30, 2010 11:58 AM Q: Do you know the answer to your self-created question? Q: Do you have sympathy for me having to go through this stupid security theater with you? jacob • April 30, 2010 12:00 PM 1. this is great in theory until someone leaves the unattended notebook or memory stick. (like in us or uk. this is a solution in search of a buyer. Currently working on the XOR of two irratational numbers for a one time pad of my LOL cats collection. :) and the pictures of amanda tapping wearing the flag!!! Bruce I would really like you to answer the question, How much does the average person really need to encrypt info? (including crossing borders and the FBI). NSA is another story. I figure they already know which hand I wipe my ass with. peri • April 30, 2010 12:04 PM @Nick P: "*short answer:* I'm Clive Robinson, biatches!" That was hilarious! I was _certain_ you were Clive Robinson right up until the "short answer." That gave you away! @ Michael Mouse, Hawkins Dale Make no mistake, I have been using true RNGs (via random.org) to generate enough entropy for all my secret questions for years now. You shouldn't take most of the comments seriously. People are just having fun with the particulars of this system. Corey • April 30, 2010 12:34 PM @Shachar: My previous day job, when they rolled out a sexual harassment policy, they explicitly stated it applied to customers as well. I imagine this is true most places. (I got the mental image of our then-VP of engineering trying to convince me to sleep with a customer, because he never refused any other customer requests, no matter how asinine). At least this is better than a pre-selected field of "secret questions". For my online banking, I had to tell it who my consultancy's prom date was, and the model of my 1-year-old's first car. (Of course the answers are random) Corey • April 30, 2010 12:35 PM "Q: Do you know the answer to your self-created question? OK, Goedel, I'm convinced it's you. bloodninja • April 30, 2010 12:39 PM Q:Would you like to Cyber? Q: What's the matter now? etc... brian t • April 30, 2010 12:40 PM Q: How long is a piece of string? Q: Who put the Bop in the Bop Shop Doo Wop? Brian Tung • April 30, 2010 1:28 PM @Corey: Q: What yields falsehood when answered by its own predicate? A: Yields falsehood when answered by its own predicate. anon • April 30, 2010 1:36 PM Q: I hate working at a call centre. Q: Yeah, the manager actually thought I was taking a call. How stupid is that? Q: I've been skimming from his accounts for years and he's never noticed. Q: On second thought, I'd rather just give up and go home. Q: Indecipherable. However, I'd like to buy pizza and beer for the whole office. If someone else calls in the order, I'll pay the bill! Clive Robinson • April 30, 2010 1:43 PM @ peri, "That was hilarious! I was _certain_ you were Clive Robinson..." It was me, in reply to Nick P, so I guess he has violated the copyright ;) He also forgot to mention it was typed with two thumbs on a 68mm by 30mm keyboard on a mobile phone, whilst lying in a hospital bed. The thing is he never made counter point, I was most disappointed... Skippern • April 30, 2010 1:54 PM Q: Ready for the security question? Q: Have I already asked the security question? Q: Do you want to take me home tonight? Q: What is the password? Q: You have your security password written down somewhere? Q: You think our security is a joke? Q: Where did you come up with this stupid question? Could also take some really random babble: Q: You like a cup of coffee? This type of nonsense would be virtually impossible to break. In a Norwegian comedy a few years ago they needed to select a password for the alarm central, they chose the favorite desert of one of the characters, unfortienately he changed his mind about that desert after a date and when the alarm went off and the security company called to verify the alarm he couldn't remember the password. The result was that he was reading all the names of deserts out of a cookbook when the police arrived. Skippern • April 30, 2010 1:58 PM @bloodninja I almost died of laughter when I read that one years ago, is it really still around? Clive Robinson • April 30, 2010 2:02 PM As others have given tongue twisters, you could also have, Q: I'm not a pheasant plucker but a pheasant pluckers mate and I'm only plucking pheasants cos the pheasant pluckers late. A: Sorry what is it you do to pheasant? Then of course there are the works of Spooner to contend with. Then there are such questions as Q: What is the difference between an of target marksman and a constipated owl? A: One shoots but cann't hit the other hoots but cann't... Q: What is the difference between the river Thames and a ballerina who pirouettes to much? A: One is a busy ditch, the other... The only question is how much do you need to say before the person says yes out of embarrassment... @Bryan "The obvious problem with all of these based on well known or searchable quotes is an attacker can guess them. Try harder next time." Yes, but the point here was to be funny, not to be secure. peri • April 30, 2010 2:19 PM @Clive Robinson Well let's hear the real Clive Robinson abuse security questions! anon • April 30, 2010 2:21 PM Q: The combination on my briefcase is 1-2-3-4 Q: We both know that your password is swordfish and your mother's maiden name was Smith, so let's get right down to the banking, OK? Q: What is your mother's maiden name? Q: I spend too much time on the phone. Q: No, you are not my psychiatrist. Q: Are you a legitimate customer? Q: Where are you? Q: Disneyland. Rodrigo Kumpera • April 30, 2010 2:29 PM I'm very disappointed that nobody suggested Pulp Fiction lines. Q: What does Marcellus Wallace look like? Q: Does he look like a bitch? Q: English M***er F***er. English! Ooh! I can't believe nobody (including me) thought of this until now: Q: Does this dress make my bum look big? (Apparently I'm channeling a Brit tonight.) Mike Begley • April 30, 2010 2:43 PM Q: You're in a desert, walking along in the sand when all of a sudden you look down and see a tortoise. It's crawling toward you. You reach down and you flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping. Why is that? Rich Siegel • April 30, 2010 2:47 PM Q: How will we know the Cathars from the Catholics? A: Caedite eos! Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius. Clive Robinson • April 30, 2010 2:51 PM @ yt, "Yes, but the point here was to be funny, not to be secure." I thought it was to think up the maximum "squirm factor" for the call center droid... As for, "A. No, it's your fat bum that makes your bum look big." That's not what a "Brit" would say. It would be more like, "A. No dear, of course not, the dress does not make your bum look big..." Then under his breath "it's over using your big mouth that makes your bum fat" FromCanada • April 30, 2010 2:58 PM Q: You are in an open field. Exits are to the north, south and west. A hungry badger blocks the westward path. A: Get ye flask. Diego • April 30, 2010 3:04 PM Q: Is the answer to this question "no"? Q: Does this question not refer to itself? Q: Is this question true? Q: Would you please allow us to credit your account today for $100 as a token of our appreciation? BF Skinner • April 30, 2010 3:25 PM Q: Who Goes There? Good Morning, Mr. President. Shall we dust Moscow? Al, Just Al • April 30, 2010 3:28 PM Good morning this is Ms Latella from the bank to confirm your identity please phrase your answer in the form of a question. A: Three Feet long, smells like lillies and spits Kym • April 30, 2010 3:29 PM They have all these extra PINs and security questions, but won't let me create a password containing non-alphanumerics or longer than 12 characters... Gotta love banks. David • April 30, 2010 3:29 PM Q: If Peter Piper Picked a peck of pickled peppers, where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked? Timmy303 • April 30, 2010 3:33 PM I hate to rain on everyone's parade here, but if anyone was actually thinking on using a Yes/No question on a real bank security question/answer pair, think hard for a second about how many tries it would take for an identity thief to brute force a binary answer ... Lane • April 30, 2010 4:03 PM Q: What is the secret passphrase? anonymous • April 30, 2010 4:08 PM Q: What about you, Johnny? anonymous • April 30, 2010 4:11 PM "My bank has zero sense of humor and their security guards yell at me all the time and its just not a good experience." That just means they don't like because you don't have any money. Rick • April 30, 2010 5:10 PM I like to have nonsensical easily remembered answers... Q) What is your mothers maiden name? Q) Where were you born? Q) Pets first name? ReallyEvilCanine • April 30, 2010 5:19 PM Apparently most people commenting are here to be seen commenting. I remember realising that anyone could find out my mother's maiden name and so never used it, opting for things like "Cawfeebean". Most of the pairs above are quotes from favourite films and incredibly easy to guess. Useful QA pairs require nonsense: Q) Who was the Prime Minister of 1917?
paul • April 30, 2010 5:23 PM How about a perpetual loop? Craig Stacey • April 30, 2010 5:34 PM Sorry, but Eugene Mirman has this one wrapped up solidly: Q: What are you wearing? Beta • April 30, 2010 6:12 PM Q: Is this really you? Q: What do we call the metal alloy made of copper and zinc? Q: Say, who are you? Q: Who on God's earth is that? Q: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? Q: What in God's name is going on? willy • April 30, 2010 7:00 PM With a hat-tip to SNL ... Q: Do you like Colonel Angus? Morgan • April 30, 2010 8:25 PM Funnily enough I was thinking of doing this exact thing a couple of weeks ago with a domain registrar that was getting on my nerves, they do have a customiseable secret question an answer. I thought of a good one just now, but I won't use it as it would probably end badly; Nick P • April 30, 2010 10:43 PM @ peri I was aiming for humor and relevance to the blog. Seems I hit the mark. ;) It took me all of 2 min to find a post long enough for the joke... without Google or bookmarks. Hehe. @ Clive Copyright violation! I thought all your posts came with an implied Creative Commons license permitting redistribution. I swore you gave me explicit permission one time... over an encrypted, onion-routed chat session whose keys are permanently lost. Yeah, seems pretty clear cut to me. ;) Btw, that post was you arguing with some other guy about something. I left out his name as *that* wasn't funny. But, I'll forgive the mix up since we've had similar discussions and you were a good sport about it. ;) Nick Lancaster • April 30, 2010 11:47 PM Q: Who goes there? Q: Who is this? What's your operating number? Q: Hamburger? Q: Do you have a question for the General? Carl "SAI" Mitchell • April 30, 2010 11:48 PM My bank makes me chose from their list of questions, here are some samples with newly generated answers: What was the name of your first employer? What was the name of your first pet? etc, etc. I had an excellent vacation in dACCY_U/;?ZhO,6Mtm-u last year with my older sister, &Q[2?I/[UuCIS1CT]MLq. Billy • April 30, 2010 11:55 PM When Ally first took over my formerly GMAC account, my Q and A were: Then I got more creative... Today it's even better, but I'm not about to post what it is to a blog comment until I come up with the next one. On a more serious note, my *other* bank makes me pick from their list of questions, and it irritates the shit out of me so I just have a single character answer for all of them. Making up your own questions is more engaging, and offsets the nuisance factor. Zayne S Halsall • May 1, 2010 8:03 AM Not a bank, but my first "security question over the phone" was with Rackspace, and I used: Q: Why's everybody always picking on me? Thanks to Bloodhound Gang, whole tech team had a good laugh that day. DaveC • May 1, 2010 10:57 AM Q: What is the difference between a duck? Q: Password? In all seriousness, funny stuff that is well known is easy to Google; I prefer to use things like license plates of cars I scrapped 15 years ago in another country. Xentac • May 1, 2010 10:58 AM Q: Is the following paragraph your security question? Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Nullam congue feugiat velit id vulputate. Sed semper, ligula sollicitudin dictum facilisis, tellus elit rutrum metus, sit amet rhoncus tortor risus sit amet lacus. Praesent scelerisque nisl nec enim iaculis imperdiet. Donec in felis vel nibh mollis elementum ac ac libero. Nullam diam felis, tincidunt ut rhoncus sed, commodo vel ligula. Ut feugiat lorem tellus, at fermentum mi. Donec feugiat tortor a est vulputate lobortis volutpat odio aliquam. Proin tincidunt dolor tincidunt urna lacinia accumsan iaculis elit commodo. Aliquam in tortor ligula. Vestibulum ullamcorper placerat mi, in venenatis dolor ullamcorper sed. Etiam sit amet erat vulputate purus molestie pharetra sit amet eget nisi. Nick P • May 1, 2010 11:35 AM @ Xentac Just for kicks, I put that through a Latin translator. Of the 40% that got converted to English, I can't say I'm understanding it. The last line is the most sensible of them: "he is amet was vulputate spotless annoyance a quiver he is amet eget if not." If I am getting this, the security question asks if you are Amet, an annoying guy who darts like an arrow into places wearing clean clothes. Ben Mabey • May 1, 2010 3:02 PM Q: Would you like to go to dinner and a movie with me? Nope • May 1, 2010 4:08 PM @Nick P: it's a nonsense paragraph (well, not nonsense, it's a chunk of Cicero, but it's _used_ as nonsense) used by typesetters since the 1500's. I agree with @ReallyEvilCanine that references to movies is a vulnerability. An attacker can google up the challenge. If you have to, at least mix and match. e.g. Q: What about you, Johnny? But I'd rather be creative: Q: I CAN HAZ CHEEZBURGER? Dan Lewis • May 1, 2010 9:28 PM The problem with lying is that you have to remember a fake answer, and there is no information peg to hang it from. But yes, the best way is to have an answer totally unrelated to the question. Q: What do you get when you multiply six by nine? I use questions that are personal secrets that mean nothing to anyone but myself. I have enough private experiences that they would be impossible to guess but instantly memorable. Stuff like, who was wearing a green plastic wristband when I met them the first time? And there is really only one person like that for me, and it happened so long ago that no one knows it but me. Dd • May 2, 2010 5:49 AM Q: what does a yellow light mean? A: slow down. Q: what does a yellow light mean? A: SLOW DOWN. Q: what does a yellow light mean? A: SLOW DOWN! andrew • May 2, 2010 8:19 AM Q: What is your cat's name? Austin • May 2, 2010 11:15 AM Couldn't remember the exact answer to this one. Called in and the operator was laughing her ass off... Q: Seriously? (Thought it was "fuck you" or "fuck off" but I was forgetting the period.) Jonathan Wilson • May 2, 2010 10:24 PM I had to provide a security password for something I was signing up to related to a public transport smart card. They queried me about my town of birth because it was an unusual place from a foriegn country and said "that's not a town of birth" (until I told them that it was and where it was) chef • May 3, 2010 12:50 AM Q: What is your father's maiden... oh my god, I just pooped my pants. Ugh, it smells horrible. Oh no, now it's running down my leg into my socks this is so gross oh my god oh my god oh my god A: Um, maybe you should get yourself cleaned up before we deal with my late credit card payments. Wow. Just wow. David Conrad • May 3, 2010 11:30 AM All right, I'll play: Q: Pick a number between 0 and 1. Q: What is the answer to this question? But, seriously, I have a problem with these security questions. I was recently (yesterday) trying to reset an infrequently-used account whose password I'd forgotten, and my security question was, "What was your first car?" Now, I can remember the true answer to that, but it wouldn't accept it, and it may be because I gave a fake answer (can't remember), but I think the problem was either capitalization, or punctuation. (I tried a few variations, until I locked myself out.) So, should systems like this be case insensitive? If I put that my favorite color is "Yellow." should it accept "yellow" or "Yellow" (without the period)? That would make it more user-friendly, but it would lessen security for those who want to use a hash, GUID, or string of random characters for their answer. Johnny D • May 3, 2010 12:30 PM I can't believe nobody posted this (maybe my browser search is broken): Q: Tell me how many lights you see... A: There... are... four... lights... Maltheos • May 3, 2010 1:22 PM
or Q:What al lame security question: What is your mother's maiden name? A: Hey, thats not easily found by a websearch. vedaal • May 3, 2010 1:30 PM for Babylon 5 fans ... Q: 'Who are you?' or 'What do you want?' A: Zathras not know. Knowing, Zathras would say. Not knowing, Zathras cannot say. Zathras need banking now, for the One. No more time for questions. James K • May 3, 2010 2:19 PM "Ignoring for the moment the problem of the operator now knowing the question/answer pair..." Bob • May 4, 2010 4:33 AM Using movie quotes misses the whole point because then any film buff can get into your account! Glen F. Marshall • May 4, 2010 12:43 PM Q: There once was a man from Nantucket peri • May 4, 2010 1:09 PM For those who want a serious answer to this questions I will suggest ~128 bits of true random passwords: Q: What is your password/other secret? Lex • May 4, 2010 3:25 PM If you're really really patient, just go with something in a foreign language. Q: Vuy russkye spioni? Nick P • May 5, 2010 1:25 AM @ peri Are you sure that is really secure? The people who often use password questions are those who don't manage their passwords well. Wouldn't some operators go for, "Damnit! I can't remember exactly which I used, but it's basically a long random-looking string of letters and numbers. I was too clever for my own good. You know it's me. How many people would guess that I used a random string?" I'm sure quite a few support reps would buy it. peri • May 5, 2010 5:36 AM @Nick P That's an interesting question but I feel like a serious answer is out of place. I will say that nonsense answers are more likely to be forgotten and sensible answers tend to be quotes which can be possibly be defeated here: Bumble • May 5, 2010 8:11 AM Q. Are you really the ex-President of Nigeria? Q. How come you can't remember your stupid password, you dumb shmuck? Q. Does this question have a negative answer? Q. If this were your security question, what would the answer be? alreadyonthelist • May 5, 2010 8:32 AM Q. Yes? A. I'm doing a survey. Do you believe the Condor is really an endangered species? Q. I'm controlling now, Condor. Sampson • May 5, 2010 9:52 AM Q: Do you bite your thumb at me, sir? A: No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir; but I do bite my thumb, sir. gonzo • May 5, 2010 12:59 PM I am very late to the party, but you could always do things like: Q: Who was phone? Q: Who the fuck are you? Q: Chay' qab ghaH wIj vum? Walter Wager • May 6, 2010 6:13 AM Q: The woods outside are dark and deep Walter Jack Parsons • May 10, 2010 12:55 AM Why does it smell like rotting meat in here? Did an angel bring someone back to life? ZeroJee • May 12, 2010 4:25 AM Maybe a surrealist quote or two from "Rejected" - it looks random random but is guessable... Q. Tuesday's coming, did you bring your coat? Q. Do you want to go see a movie? (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rejected) Andy Polaine • May 12, 2010 10:52 AM Q: If you're the mounted police, where are your badges? Q: What would like me to do? Q: Knock knock... gazza • May 12, 2010 11:55 AM @Hawkins Dale I'd me more tempted to say ImGumbyDamnIt • May 12, 2010 3:53 PM Q: I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand? Zdix • May 12, 2010 10:41 PM Q:If we are lucky, then by the time you read this, I will be dead. If fate frowns, we all perish. BF Skinner • May 13, 2010 10:31 AM Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? Scott • May 13, 2010 11:47 AM And thus Bruce gets the people to build for him a database of challenge/response questions. Tom Sawyer hasn't gotten anything on you Bruce, lol. Pure Genius ! My adminiration is pinging. BF Skinner • May 14, 2010 6:23 AM Q: What is the most dangerous thing in the world? BF Skinner • May 14, 2010 6:26 AM Q: Skybird Skybird Do not answer. Skybird Skybird Do not answer. BF Skinner • May 14, 2010 6:41 AM Eliza: Hello. I am ELIZA at your Bank. How can I help you? Dr. Memory • May 16, 2010 1:42 AM Q: You are in a maze of tiny, twisty tunnels, all alike. Dr. Memory • May 16, 2010 2:58 AM Q: Why does the porridge bird lay its eggs in the air? Paul • May 16, 2010 3:24 AM As mentioned by someone, the question should refresh one's memory of the answer, without divulging it. However, the answer could be embeded in the question in a subtle way. Q: Sir, our Secret Q and A file shows you are delinquent by $2,221.02. A: I thought I paid that $1.02 yesterday. It is far better than things like - Q: Sir, your Secret Q and A file has been corrupted. A: That's alright, I forgot it anyway. Anonymous Coward • May 16, 2010 6:55 AM Q: You've chosen our gait-recognition verification option. Please do your favourite funny walk now. Q: Where were you on last vacation? You've got 60 seconds exactly and should avoid repetition, hesitation or deviation. Failure to comply will lock your account. Anonymous • May 16, 2010 6:46 PM Q: Where did they hide the bodies? A: In the crawl space under the bank's call center. Annie Ominous • May 16, 2010 6:47 PM Q: Where did they hide the bodies? A: In the crawl space under the bank's call center. BF Skinner • May 17, 2010 8:08 AM Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: yeah...here's the thing see -- It didn't. a Dave • May 17, 2010 11:18 AM I actually failed a credit agency security Q recently, fortunately they cycled up another set which I could pass. They tried to use the zip code of a former address. I didn't understand why they insisted I got it wrong. And it was clearly "wrong" in the report that I got. Until after a little research I found that the Post Office has _changed_ the zip code there. Of course I haven't lived there in over 15 years, so I didn't know. yoshipod • May 17, 2010 2:15 PM Q: Pete and RePete are in a boat, Pete falls out, who is left? A: RePete. Q: Pete and RePete are in a boat, Pete falls out, who is left? A: RePete. Q: Pete and RePete are in a boat, Pete falls out, who is left? A: RePete. Q: Pete and RePete are in a boat, Pete falls out, who is left? A: RePete. Paul • May 18, 2010 5:53 AM Q: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work. A: IT HAS WORKED! YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS! Paul • May 18, 2010 5:57 AM Q: Where is the bomb planted, and what time is it set to go off? A: It will go off in five minutes in the mechanical room of your call centre. jerry • May 19, 2010 9:28 AM Q: This is your security question. What is your answer? Q: A bite for your pussy-cat? George • May 21, 2010 3:01 PM For my money, Bumble's are the best so far. I see the best part as being able to force a CSR to say something they shouldn't or don't want to say, where really the answer isn't as much fun as the question they have to read out loud in the call center. I would highly recommend that for full effect, you preface this exercise by declaring you are having a hard time hearing, they should please speak loudly: Q: My boss has been porking one of my coworkers, what is that person's name? Q: How long have you had problems with your genital herpes flaring up? Q: How old were you when you lost your virginity? Q: Which erectile dysfunction medication works the best? Q: When did you first notice your attraction to animals? Q: Do you know how many morons I've had to help reset their password, because they were too stupid to remember it? Q: Why do you people have to keep calling here and bothering us? Q: What's the name of the psychological disorder you've been diagnosed with? Q: What are some tips and tricks for a good foot massage? D.Simms • May 22, 2010 9:55 AM As others have given tongue twisters, you could also have, Q: She sits and slits the sheets all day, all day she sits and slits - but if she sits and slits all day, where are the sheets she slits? btw, i think the funniest are George's questions above (May 21), especially if you have them read the question _really_ loudly =) lolz =) best belly laughs i've had in a long time =) D.Simms • May 22, 2010 10:55 AM In the spirit of George's modus, where you have the caller read the question really loudly, you could also go with the old stand-bys: Q: Have you seen Mike Hunt? Q: Are you Master Baden? Q: Are you friends with a Harry Balzac? Q: What is Titicaca? Q: Do you know a Harry Palmer? Q: What did James Bond do with Pussy Galore? Q: If you see Kay, you tell her to go to Helen Diane Croke, ok? Q: Are you familiar with Dixon Bush? Q: Would you like to see my peanuts? answers not provided because any appropriate or inappropriate answer would do... and apologies to anyone who actually has one of the above names Tim • June 2, 2010 3:18 AM Q: How many light bulbs does it take to screw up a joke? Thoth • June 28, 2010 2:23 AM Q: What is the elvish word for friend? Froggy • December 8, 2010 8:04 PM Q: What planet are you from? Q: What is your country maiden name? Q: What is the name of your 31st born? Q: Abort, Retry, Ignore? Q: Does my butt look fat in these pants? Q: Rock-paper-scissors-A-bomb? orb • December 9, 2010 12:50 PM In fact I tried using the following types of Q/A pairs at one account some time ago, but they got refused with the message that "the question cannot contain the answer": -What color was Charlemagnes white horse? Jen • January 29, 2011 3:59 PM Q -What are you wearing right now? H • September 16, 2011 8:09 AM Q: To be clear: this isn't the actual security question, I'm just asking you if it's okay if I ask you a security question. If you say "yes", I shall go ahead and ask you the question next. Is that okay? Natanael L • September 16, 2011 3:49 PM Q: Why do I even bother reading this stupid question to you and defacate all over my boss' office and kill myself by an overly excessive amount of paper cuts? Natanael L • September 16, 2011 3:50 PM MEH! Correction: Q: Why do I even bother reading this stupid question to you when I could defacate all over my boss' office and kill myself by an overly excessive amount of paper cuts? Wael • July 14, 2012 7:33 PM Late to the party... Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? Two from my childhood: Q: Why is 10 scared of 7 ? @ Nick P Thomas B. • August 12, 2012 6:56 AM Q: Should even bother with the whole the security question thing? Wael • August 12, 2012 1:18 PM Q- If you are really double-faced, why in the world are you wearing THIS one? Ron Dobson • August 12, 2012 3:05 PM Q: Uh, sorry but before I ask the security question could you tell me whether I should a wear short skirt or jeans tonight? Q: Okay, the deal is that you haven't set your security question. Q: Well, it seems that you've already exceeded your allowed number of tries. We'll see you in court, you lousy conman! Q: But first I have to report this call to authorities. Q: For the record, I'm not wearing anything. Q: We've traced you, you cracker bastard. Now we're gonna fry your ass. Q: What is the capital of Mongolia? Navitron • August 16, 2012 1:14 AM I'm sure the customer service people would love me :) Q: KBP'~1=$]A\k]q-'*5M6lP0"h"5~*zU-d^N$u=s5nfWNw0&U65q}a@>6xDWy0-R; A: !x1/S0%,7PtL%YbfCS!7Q,hd;QPLSbtxig^TtBk\Ox=$~8`I'-PuRANAfSJ*C'Gi Walter • November 15, 2012 11:22 PM Seriously... 1) OLD childhood address works 2) OLD telephone @ like... BE4-5789 John Q Public • March 2, 2013 11:12 AM I think these would be pretty fun. Q: I intend to assassinate the president in exactly 5 days, will you join me? Q: I hereby renounce and deny the existence of god, jesus and the holy spirit and declare satan to be my lord and master.
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